The Bomb Shit Doctrine
It seems as if the basic neocon doctrine towards Iran is that it’s foolish to try anything more complex than bombing them, lest we get bombed first. Of course, if we bomb them, then they won’t bomb us back, because they’ll be double scared of bombing. But if we don’t bomb them, they’re going to bomb us, which will of course result in them being bombed, but somehow it’s a qualitatively different sort of bombing that they aren’t actually afraid of.
Perhaps the perfect rumination on this is from Jeffrey Goldberg’s May interview with John McCain:
JG: What do you think motivates Iran?
JM: Hatred. I don’t try to divine people’s motives. I look at their actions and what they say. I don’t pretend to be an expert on the state of their emotions. I do know what their nation’s stated purpose is, I do know they continue in the development of nuclear weapons, and I know that they continue to support terrorists who are bent on the destruction of the state of Israel. You’ll have to ask someone who engages in this psycho stuff to talk about their emotions.
There is no reason the potential leader of the free world should be saying anything this fucking stupid without benefit of severe intoxication. This is not, in fact, an answer that an adult gives to a serious question concerning the lives of thousands of people, but rambling designed to communicate posture and dominance. If your view of nations is something like a wildlife documentary on Animal Planet, I recommend you vote McCain Leader of the Pack. If he starts humping you to reassert himself, don’t say I didn’t warn you. The Wall Street Journal, following McCain’s lead, laments the overreliance on diplomacy that we’ve thus far used with regards to Iran, in much the same way I lament my overreliance on hundred dollar bills that I’ve thus far used with regards to filling my swimming pool. The specter of appeasement again arises, and it’s this that leads to what seems to be the ultimate point of bombing Iran.
Iraq was supposed to be war without remorse, showing the world the benefit of acting based off of instinct. Unfortunately, we went in not only underprepared and misinformed, we went in totally unaware of the geopolitical situation internal and external to the country (except that high-speed WMD pipeline to Syria that we never found). Years of war have left the American people tired of the war, tired of the doctrine and simply tired of its orchestrators. The newish idea is to try the same thing, except simpler and more targeted. Pick a spot, bomb it, and watch as Khamenei and Achmadinejad piss their flat-front Dockers in fear as they make rapid steps away from nuclear proliferation and regional destabilization. It’s the simplest rationale of failures, especially conservative ones – the problem wasn’t the idea, it was the execution.
Of course, when Russian and China go apeshit, it’ll be fun to see a President McCain telling them to stop acting like such whiny bitches. Neither of them has the capacity to do shit, right? Right?