If Only There Were Thousands Of People In The Middle Of This Thing Telling Us What They Want
There’s a reason that we’re all so aware of what’s happening in Iran. There are thousands of people sending out as many messages as they possibly can whenever they can using whatever means are available. This means two things. The first is that Twitter is now the most important thing that happened to democracy since the invention of the ballot, and the second is that if there is an urgent need for the President of the United States to weigh in with support for the protesters, they will find a way to let him know.
So, when Representative Mike Pence decides that he’s going to say what Obama won’t, or Jonah Goldberg writes some incomprehensible mess masquerading as satirical commentary, what they’re essentially saying is that while the Iranian people putting their lives on the line is a nice start, the people who actually know what needs to be done are the same American conservatives who invaded Iraq to take down Saddam Hussein after propping him up against Iran a couple of decades prior because that was a fucking great idea. Sure, those nice Iranians can put pressure on their local tinpot theocrat, but it’s not really going to mean anything until the United States validates it as, you know, a thing.
The most important thing in the world right now to these steely-eyed warriors of high-speed internet (28 MB upstream, and you can suck on that) is not that citizens in a faraway land they’ve dreamed about bombing for years are standing up to the Evilest Men Imaginable, it’s that these citizens are trailing the path that these conservatives blazed – and, as such, the most important facet of this amazing story is getting the goddamn black Muslim Kobama Bryant to say what they want. That, incidentally, is the undertone of all of this: Iranians are the citizen journalists that conservatives always dreamed of being, sidestepping the dreaded Reuters and New York Times and bringing exciting news with bravery and danger and hopefully some titties to a world who will stand up, take notice, and then eventually worship them as the blogger-kings they are.
Pete Hoekstra was just stupid enough to say out loud what’s driving a lot of Republican/conservative commentary and concern with Iran. They are the brave ones, and since they can’t fight the actual relevant fight, they must find their own. They are facing the Obamatollah and his hand-picked denier of Liberal Fascism, Pelosidinejad. As nice a job as those amateurs are doing in Persia or whatever, it must always come back to the real fight – modern conservatism versus whatever enemy is threatening to snicker at its last Twitter update.