After the show Arsenal put on, the only proper response is to hand out awards to the folks who made that 6-1 road beatdown of Everton possible. Thus, I present to you the Six-To-Onesies!
The “Wrong Midfielder, Assholes” Award
To Cesc Fabregas. All the talk (from me as well) surrounding the best player for Arsenal, and possibly the best player in the EPL, focused on Arshavin. But it was Cesc Fabregas who sliced and diced Everton from all over the pitch while performing his normal duties as the fulcrum for Arsenal’s attack. Arshavin played well, but Fabregas showed why Wenger has labeled him captain and unpurchaseable.
The “Not Ready for Prime Time” Award
To Jo. He wasted several early penetrations by Everton and looked ill-prepared for regular season action. I’m sure he’ll be fine, but on this day, he made sure that the initial quarter-hour of superior play by Everton was wasted. And that let Arsenal stay loose and eventually burst out of its pants with gluttony.
The “Fool Me Once, Shame on You, Fool Me Twice and Maybe I’ll Get Fired” Award
To David Moyes. Both Vermaelen and Gallas were left unmarked off kicks, and that made their goals incredibly easy. Emirates Cup easy. If the Emirates Cup were played against a group of drowsy, elderly amputees. One mistake, hey, it happens, but for the same mistake to repeat itself so quickly is unforgivable. If he wasn’t shouting at his players to mark their man, he deserves whatever lambasting he gets in the press.
The “Will You Sell Me Now?” Award
To Lescott. He was uneven today (who wasn’t?) but played fine for those darling few minutes the match was still in doubt. Only the people in the locker room know how much of a distraction his Man City saga has been, but after the entire team laid an egg like this, Moyes has to be seriously considering the sale so he can stock up on talent elsewhere on the pitch. And like the Alonso saga for Liverpool, at some point it’s just better to be done with it. I won’t be shocked if he’s moved for close to £25m this week.
The “Bendtner Who?” Award
To Eduardo. He set up Arshavin and put in his miss so casually you wonder why he isn’t starting. Maybe they’re easing him into game shape, but that move was better than anything I saw from Nicklas (though, admittedly, there was some fast-forwarding on the DVR once the game got redonkulous).
The “Baaaaaaaa” Award
To the media, who will inevitably be proclaiming Arsenal’s greatness and championship pedigree just as universally as they were dismissing them before the season.
The “We F***ing Deserve It” Award
To Arsenal, who look like potential champions. Baaa.