Where’s the love for Park Slope, right wing breeding obsessives?
I’m not usually one to write a post scolding the opposition for overlooking some story item I think they should cover to “prove” they’re not hypocrites or whatever else the hell I want to accuse them of. I realize that time is finite and not everyone can write about everything all the time, and that an opinion unexpressed doesn’t mean that it isn’t held or thought about. But I think this is such an egregious case of right wing media neglect that I just have to say something.
You see, if there’s one theme that crops up repeatedly in right wing media, it’s that white people should have more kids. This pressure is exerted in a handful of ways. There’s the negative, bullying way, which usually has to do with panicking over changing demographics with the term “demographic winter“. I realize, by the way, that the term “winter” is used to invoke barrenness, but I think it’s really kind of dumb metaphor. Even where it doesn’t snow much, people tend to think of winter and they think of snow and ice—in other words, things becoming more, not less white. If you want to make them panic about people becoming less white, well, nevermind. Anything they would come up with to replace it will just be unbelievably offensive, so I’m fine with “winter”.
Anyway, on the more positive—if you can call it that—side, you have the cheerleading for white people who do have a lot of kids. Praising white people who have big families is a common trope on the right, usually with a side dose of shaming anyone white who had an abortion or uses birth control, regardless of her lifelong parenting intentions. Stephanie as Stuff Christian Culture Likes has fun with this one with her entry mocking people who claim they’re totally not going to try to limit family size (though once again, the Mormons do a better job of shoring up the big family image than the evangelicals, creating more room for envy) and another one specifically on the amount of praise heaped on Michelle Duggar for making—how many is it now, 19? 20?—a whole lot of white people. Duggar probably has a room in her house dedicated to “Mother of the Year” awards handed to her by right wing organizations. CPAC went one further, and called her “Woman of the Year” based on her remarkable womb output. To my mind, it’s like calling someone the Cocktail Connoisseur of the Year because he shotguns an 18 pack of Bud Light every day instead of eating, but I guess some people really do think quantity matters more than quality, at least when it comes to white people.
This is why I’m sorely disappointed to see that right wingers aren’t giving a certain group of white people producers their due. I’m beginning to think there’s a bit of prejudice going on when it comes to which white people get gushing accolades for having lots of kids and which ones are being ignored. As evidence, I produce another chortling bit of New York media mocking my now-former neighborhood ruled by the Stroller Mafia, Park Slope.
Nobody panic, but it looks like come September, there will be more kindergartners in Park Slope than classroom seats to accommodate them. Haha, just kidding. Everyone is already panicked! After the city put 47 kids on the waiting list at P.S. 107 on Eighth Avenue without any information about alternatives, parents rushed to try other area schools like P.S. 10 on Prospect Avenue and Seventh Avenue and P.S. 39 on Sixth Avenue. But principals say their classrooms have already been filled with in-zone students. The staff at P.S. 107 is doing its part to help distraught parents already convinced this has ruined little Finn’s or Francesca’s chances of getting into Harvard. P.S. 107 administrators have visited 35 homes on a list of 142 to find out-of-district kids (the Brooklyn version of wrong side of the tracks).
I actually think Park Slope is a fine neighborhood, though I prefer my new one more, but there is more than a little truth to the stereotype, as evidenced by this article. If you’re the kind of asshole who stays up at night worrying that white women aren’t having enough kids, then you really should spend an afternoon in Park Slope, improving your stroller-dodging skills. Where’s the love for Park Slope from the right wing assholerati? Michelle Duggar has only had like 20 kids or something, but the folks of Park Slope are producing at such a rate that they’ve run out of kindergarten to accommodate them all. Where are the awards for the Park Slope moms? Where are their accolades from right wing organizations?
I suppose it breaks against the narrative. The preferred right wing narrative is to imagine that the “liberal elite”—always a much bigger group in right wing imaginations than in real life, but very much in evidence on the streets of Park Slope—are, as Limbaugh claimed, “aborting themselves out of a majority“. Admitting that middle class white people are still having kids even if they eat organic produce and voted for Governor Cuomo doesn’t fit the narrative. And so, sadly, the Park Slope moms will have to go award-free from conservative organizations, despite their hard work in producing a whole bunch more white people. Though, to their credit—and Park Slope moms don’t often get any credit—I’m guessing many of them really wouldn’t want such an award.