Hollywood’s secret plot to defeat Romney through coded summer blockbusters finally revealed
As Rush Limbaugh recently revealed to the world, the fact that the villain in this summer’s eagerly-anticipated blockbuster “The Dark Knight Rises” is named Bane is no mere coincidence. Rather, he explained, it’s a long-planned conspiracy to sabotage former Gov. Mitt Romney’s (R-MA) presidential campaign by inextricably linking in viewers’ minds the thoroughly evil Bane (who made his first appearance in the comics back in 1993) with Romney’s former company Bain Capital.
And though everyone is mocking Republicans for this belief, we have discovered after some digging that, in fact, Bane is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to Hollywood’s nefarious mind control through summer movies.
5. Snow White and the Huntman
A movie in which the heroic title character who helps save the world just happens to be named after the super-centrist, pro-marriage equality former Obama ambassador and now-failed presidential candidate Jon Huntsman (R-UT)? I see what you did there, Hollywood.
4. Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted
In 2008, a McCain ad mocking Obama’s reception in Europe by cheering Germans totally backfired, as Americans pondered whether they enjoyed 8 years of a President hated by most of our long-time allies on that continent. Now Hollywood is just trying to subtly remind Americans that he’s popular with our European allies even as the Romneys’ horse, Rafalca, was shipped to Europe on a plane just like the beleaguered heroes of the franchise. Sneaky.
3. Total Recall
Oh, just a coincidence that in the year in which recalls launched by Democrats against Wisconsin Republicans like tea party governor Scott Walker, Hollywood plans a movie trumpeting a “total recall” that additionally makes corporations seem evil? Sure, whatever.
2. Magic Mike
Everyone knows Matthew McConaughey’s shirtless bongo-playing character Dallas is inspired by Joe Biden.
1. The Avengers
How obvious can they be? The “Chitauri” — which obviously rhymes with “tea party” — are led to battle by the sophisticated scion of a political dynasty in a weird religion against a small force of heroic, school-smart throwbacks who talk down to people they think are dumb and who are led by an African-American man with a mysterious past who believes in world government, hates nukes and is part of an illegal weapons distribution scheme — and the audience sympathizes with him? Why not just make Thanos look like David Koch and be done with it?
[Image via Warner Brothers “The Dark Knight Rises”]