Colbert: ‘Don’t worry, Sen. Rubio. No one noticed that you gave a speech’
Wednesday night on “The Colbert Report,” host Stephen Colbert offered his assessment of Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL)’s response to President Barack Obama’s State of the Union address, which didn’t go that badly, except for the fact that no one actually seems to have noticed anything that the freshman lawmaker said.
The build-up to Rubio’s speech was intense, Colbert said, “Hopes were high.”
He rolled clips of Fox News pundits including Karl Rove calling Rubio, essentially, the greatest thing since former President Ronald Reagan. Former campaign advisor to Sen. John McCain (R-AZ), Nicole Wallace called him, “Not just our rising star, but our only star.”
“No pressure, Rubio!” said Colbert, explaining that Rubio is the egg from which the new Republican Party will be born, and that the Republicans are putting all their egg in one basket, so that they can count their chicken before it hatches.
He then played clips from Rubio’s speech, a supercut including the Senator’s multiple instances of Rubio touching his face and wiping away flop sweat, as well as a compilation of the tacky-sounding dry mouth noises he made, followed by the now infamous, wild-eyed gulp of water.
“Don’t worry, Senator Rubio,” Colbert said. “No one noticed that you gave a speech.”
He then went on to say that it was a bold move on Rubio’s part to duck off camera right in the middle of the biggest speech of his life.
“I cannot imagine what he was thinking,” he said. “Jimmy? Do we have any footage of what he was thinking?”
Producers then ran a clip reel of things like a tall glass of water being poured, an attractive women pouring water on to her face, a hamster drinking from a water bottle and a circle of “Dippy Bird” toys around a glass.
“But is this really that big of a deal?” Colbert wondered. “Just because this is the only thing people will remember?”
No, he said, this was a unique situation. “When you’re president, you’re never under pressure.”
Watch the video, embedded below via Comedy Central: