Colbert: I’m too objective to mention that my awesome sister is running for Congress
On Wednesday night’s edition of “The Colbert Report,” host Stephen Colbert declared that as an objective and non-partisan journalist, he will not be mentioning that his sister is running for a seat in the U.S. Congress representing their home state of South Carolina.
He began by reasserting his pride at being a native son of the Palmetto State.
“We’ve got the best peaches, the best shrimp and the most generous average humidity in America, 86 percent,” he said. “Going outside in the summertime is like walking through a refreshing chowder.”
His love of his home state, he said, is why he felt he was a natural choice to fill Senator Jim DeMint (R)’s seat when DeMint stepped down in December. Gov. Nikki Haley (R) chose Rep. Tim Scott (R) for the U.S. Senate seat, which leaves the Scott’s Congressional seat as the representative from Charleston open.
“God only knows who they’re going to find to fill that seat,” Colbert said, before rolling a biographical video about his sister, Elizabeth Colbert Busch.
“Holy cow! My sister is running for Congress!” Colbert exclaimed to uproarious cheers from the audience.
First off, Colbert addressed the rumor that he will be giving his free airtime.
“Wrong,” he said. “No free airtime, Lulu! As a broadcast journalist, I am obligated to maintain pure objectivity. It doesn’t matter that my sister is intelligent, hard-working, compassionate and dedicated to the people of South Carolina. I will not be mentioning any of that on my show.”
Furthermore, he said, he could never support her for running as a Democrat. He called it a personal affront to his staunch conservatism and noted that 16 candidates have signed up to run on the Republican side.
“Republicans are all over this election,” he said, “like white on Republicans.”
Of the many candidates for the seat, Colbert said that he is leaning toward former governor and adulterer Gov. Mark Sanford, who disappeared in the middle of his term to spend time with his mistress in Argentina.
“He just seems so steady,” he said.
The host then offerred some advice to Republicans running against his big sister. The best way to beat her in a debate, he said, was to wait until she makes a really good point and then repeat what she said back to her in a high, mocking voice.
“Trust me,” he said. “It works.”
Watch the clip, embedded via Comedy Central, below: