Colbert: One of these days, the Catholic church will make it 10 days with no sex abuse scandal
On Monday night’s edition of “The Colbert Report,” host Stephen Colbert took on the sad task of discussing the sex abuse scandals rocking the Catholic church, and updating his work safety-style “Days since the Catholic Church had a Sex Scandal” sign.
“Folks, as you may know, on Thursday, Pope Benedict will be stepping down,” he said, and as “television’s foremost Roman Catholic,” Colbert informed viewers that he will be bringing full coverage in the form of “Pope Watch 2013.”
On Wednesday, Benedict will give his final public address and touring Vatican Square before the assembled throng in the bullet-proof Pope-mobile.
“Naturally the jackals in the media are talking advantage of the Pope’s exit to strike with new scandal rumors,” Colbert said, referring to reports that Pope Benedict’s resignation came amid an investigation into a network of gay priests at the Vatican, some of whom have been the targets of blackmailers who knew of their dalliances with male prostitutes and other men.
“That’s right, reports of Vatican sex parties,” said Colbert. “There’s even reports of hidden camera footage.”
He then rolled video of a scene from the gothic orgy-laden 1999 film, “Eyes Wide Shut.”
“But folks, I don’t believe that’s Vatican footage. There are women in there,” he said.
But, now that the Pope has resigned, he continued, that should be the end of it. Catholic sex abuse scandals are behind us, now. Except that England’s chief cleric, Cardinal Keith O’Brien, is being forced to resign due to “inappropriate acts” of his own, prompting Colbert to change the number on his “Days since the Catholic Church had a sex scandal” sign from 4 to 0.
Pointing at the blank middle column next to the 0, Colbert said, “One of these days we’re going to make it to that second digit.”
Watch the video, embedded below via Comedy Central: