Colbert reexamines his bias against hatchet-wielding hitchhikers
The curious case of a homeless Californian called Kai, Stephen Colbert said Tuesday, was cause for him to rethink his longstanding prejudice against ax-wielding hitchhikers.
Kai’s story of impromptu heroism has become an online hit after his colorful interview with KMPH-TV last week, in which he explained how he saved a Pacific Gas & Electric worker and a witness from a man who claimed to be the reincarnation of Jesus Christ.
“Thanks to Kai, the man hit by the car is okay. The bystander is okay,” Colbert explained. “And for the first time in human history, people are saying, ‘Boy, we sure are lucky that homeless hitchhiker was carrying a hatchet.'”
Kai was hitching a ride with the suspect, identified by The Fresno Bee as 54-year-old Jett Simmons McBride, before the incident.
“He’s like, ‘You know what? I come to realize, I’m Jesus Christ, and I can do anything I fucking want to,” Kai told the station. “And, [he said] ‘Watch this,’ and he smashed into this fucking guy right there, pinned him between that fucking truck.”
The PG&E employee, who has asked not to be identified, is recovering from a broken leg after being pinned between the suspect’s car and a company truck. McBride then allegedly attacked a woman who tried to stop him from driving off.
“He just kept saying he’s Jesus Christ and he’s going to save all of us,” said the witness, Tanya Baker. “But we have to get — he used the n-word, meaning the black people — he said we need to get them off the Earth.”
When McBride allegedly put Baker in a bearhug, Kai said, he went to her rescue.
“A guy that big can snap a woman’s neck like a pencil stick,” he told the station. “So I fucking ran up behind him with a hatchet. Smash, smash, suh-mash! … Yeah.”
But Colbert pointed out that the suspect said he “came to realize” he was Jesus. If it happens to him, he said, Kai’s response to the suspect made him sound like the kind of guy he wants there when it happens.
“Kai here is quoting Scripture,” said Colbert, a devout Catholic. “[Specifically] Matthew 25, which reads, ‘For many will come in my name, claiming, ‘I am the Christ,’ and will deceive many. Then one will be like, ‘Bro, if you’re fucking Jesus Christ, I’ll be the Anti-Christ, man, fuck that shit.'”
Watch Colbert’s take on Kai’s heroics, aired Tuesday on Comedy Central, below.