Lewis Black: Stop trying to make us live forever because ‘old a**holes’ need to die
Wednesday night on “The Daily Show,” comedian Lewis Black returned to the show for an edition of his recurring segment “Back in Black,” in which he announced that he is willing to negotiate on some aspects of surveillance technology.
“The NSA scandal has made us a little bit skeptical of our technology,” Black began. “And with the next wave of space toys coming out, you may be wondering, ‘Are the trade-offs worth it?'”
Take for instance Google Glass, the face-mounted camera device that allows you to be online constantly and film your own “lifecast” in real time. Black showed a commercial for Google Glass that included a woman standing at an aquarium and telling Glass to “Google ‘jellyfish.'”
“Oh, well thanks, glasses! I would never have figured out that I was at the aquarium looking at jellyfish,” said Black.
“I know at least one thing I could use them for,” he said, before rolling a newscast about Google blocking the use of Glass for porn applications.
“Not so fast, Google!” shouted Black. “I think you’re underestimating my ability to masturbate to jellyfish!”
He went on to discuss the new X-Box, which reportedly not only has motion sensors to tell whether or not you’re moving, but also can tell what you’re saying as you play and read your facial expressions.
“Tell you what, Microsoft, you don’t need to read my face, why don’t you just read my hand?” Black said, raising his middle finger. “No need to zoom in, I’M TELLING YOU TO FUCK OFF!”
But why, he mused, would anyone let a machine that can read their every thought and feeling into their home? He then rolled a Fox News clip about a Japanese robot that, according to Shepard Smith, “can tell when you need a beer, and then pour that beer for you.”
“Well, let me begin by apologizing to Microsoft about the middle finger thing,” said Black, “because there is no amount of private information I won’t give you to be served a beer by a robot.”
Ominously, however, to Black, there is talk of harnessing the kind of technology used in David Cameron’s film “Avatar,” in which human consciousness can be uploaded to the web or embedded in androids, obviating death.
Black strenuously disagreed with the idea, saying that if this had happened 80 years ago, we’d have a bunch of “Avatar Strom Thurmond” racists running around.
“To me the fact that we all eventually drop dead is not a bug,” he concluded, “it’s a feature. It’s the only way we rid our society of old assholes!”
Watch the video, embedded via Comedy Central, below: