Southern California to become Southern Somalia and I am so excited
A long time ago San Diegans were told that they could have only two of three things in life: exceptional weather, a world class zoo with pandas, or a world class newspaper. If you haven’t figured out which ones we selected, here is a hint: on Sunday I will be having brunch on a restaurant outdoor patio before going to the zoo to watch pandas acting adorably.
Sorry, world class newspaper. Maybe next time.
In the meantime we have as a “newspaper” the San Diego Union-Tribune or, as it called the ‘UT’ or mostly ‘the Pennysaver with Family Circle’. At one time the UT aspired to the low end of the mediocrity scale and was quite successful in that regard, but then newspapers started dying off, and the publisher who had no interest in the paper sold it and then it was sold again to local homo-hater, sleazeball, monstrosity developer Doug “Papa Doug*” Manchester who has turned the once-never-venerable newspaper into a combination developers newsletter/World Net Daily but with a sports section. Having assumed the captains chair, Manchester then introduced novel ideas such as using the front page for editorials endorsing candidates who lose anyway and for turning part of the UT building into a garage for his bitchin’ Camaros so his employees can pose on them during lunch hour while wearing daisy dukes and tube tops. Hawt.
Recently Papa Doug has taken time out from cheerleading for a new football stadium that will cost the local taxpayers upwards of around $300 to 500 million (the same taxpayers who were awarded the NFL’s first blacked-out game of the year this past Sunday because the Chargers were 5000 seats short of a sell-out, so yeah, let’s give a franchise worth close to a billion dollars a helping hand) to take a stand for those poor beleaguered taxpayers (and the businesses those taxpayers subsidize) who are being kept down by The Man and The State. So what’s his plan?
Make a new state:
It may not be necessary to destroy California in order to fix it. But it may be necessary to cut it in two, carving out a 51st state of New California where taxes are low, regulations are few and where politicians are not the lap dogs of the public-employee labor unions.
I am intrigued, do go on….
In the far northern reaches of the state, counties along the border with Oregon have been in various degrees of secessionist activism since 1941, clamoring for the new state of Jefferson. As recently as September, the Modoc County Board of Supervisors voted 4-0 in support of the new state. That followed a 4-1 vote in August by the Board of Supervisors in neighboring Siskiyou County to do the same. Officials have said that if they can get 10 more counties to join the effort, they will formally appeal to the Legislature for statehood.
Another idea floated among secessionist proponents is for a smaller 51st state that would only take in the counties of San Diego, Riverside, Imperial and San Bernardino.
Can I just add here, that Riverside, Imperial, and San Bernardino counties are the counties that no one would ever ask out on a date. Not even with the promise of a tender and loving hand job at the end of the evening.
Regardless of which counties might ultimately be included, The U-T San Diego ownership thinks secessionist proponents are onto something. In the end, New California ought to include any counties seeking a new beginning without the tax and regulatory burdens and the Nanny State mentality of the existing California — and that could end up being just about the entire state other than the coastal strip from Los Angeles through Mendocino or Humboldt counties, along with Sacramento.
…and here comes their proposal/manifesto/thing scrawled on the inside of the garage door in red Sharpie for a Libertarian Paradise that can be summed up as: rules and regulations, who needs them, open up the door.
The only thing that seems to keep Manchester & Co. from calling for complete secession from the Union Of Black Kenyan Socialist States is the almost $25 billion federal dollars (from beleaguered taxpayers) pumped into the region which accounts for 22% of the employment. After blowing up the local economy, destroying our underground water supply with fracking, and under the leadership of our new Paper-Owning Developer Papa Overlords, we’d probably become Mogadishu.
But with a better climate and pandas.
Who really are adorable and quite tasty too which you will learn after the food riots come…
*True fact: Doug Manchester signs checks from the UT with “Papa Doug”. Also, that is what UT employes are supposed to call him. Creepy, right? I know…