Mitt Romney is your new Sarah Palin
Remember Mitt Romney? White man? I mean, really white man? Kinda rich? I mean, really really rich? Guy who used to indicate feelings of mirth by clearly enunciating HA HA HA HA HA sounds while grimace-smiling? That guy?
Yeah, you remember him. Mitt Romney was the guy who ran for CEO of America and lost TO A BLACK MAN over a year ago and after that Republicans were all “Mitt Romney? Mitt? Hmmmm, you’d think I’d remember a dude named Mitt but, nope, can’t say I recall him. But you know white guys: they all look alike“. Then his internet girlfriend Jennifer Rubin admitted that she only wanted him for his
support of Israel body and she had her ‘Hit it hard, Mitt’ tramp stamp half-lasered off before they even called Ohio for Obama. Well, those were hard times and they forced Mitt to take a serious look at his life and he decided to dedicate himself to public service by taking a job as a community organizer advising rich people on how to get even more obscenely rich and disgusting.
But, contrary to what Maria Baritromo would shriek at you while clawing at your face, hanging out with The Riches is kind of boring and so Mitt started looking for other stuff to do because he was spending most of his days just padding around his La Jolla beachfront compound/car amusement park in a tattered bathrobe, softly singing I Am, I Said (and no one heard, not even the chair Clint Eastwood talked to) to himself and occasionally sobbing uncontrollably. What to do? What to do?
But inspiration came last week when this lady on the teevee said something about Mitt Romney and his family’s efforts to adjust the family skin tone average from Ultra Pure White to Cotton Whisper by adopting an African-American baby (who is either grandchild #22 or 22 3/5) whom they named Kieran because, you know, and Mitt was “I’m back baby!”.
But wait, the teevee lady was just funnin’ Mitt:
MSNBC, the cable news network that in recent months has parted ways with Alec Baldwin and Martin Bashir, started the New Year with one of its weekend hosts, Melissa Harris-Perry, apologizing for making racially insensitive remarks during her last show of 2013. A Drudge Report link certainly got the ball rolling, but several days later the controversy seems only to have grown larger as competitors like CNN and the Fox News Channel have weighed in multiple times and Twitter and other social media continue to spread news of the MSNBC segment.
The rebuke from the right began soon after the Sunday show ended. “MSNBC racists mock Romney family for adopting a black child,” read a headline at Gateway Pundit the next day. “We all saw media/left go after Sarah Palin‘s family. This attack on Mitt Romney’s grandson is who these evil scumbags are,” tweeted John Nolte of Breitbart.com. Investors Business Daily used the MSNBC segment as evidence that “the real bigots are on the left.” Palin wrote on her Facebook page, “You really need a conscience, yellow journalists. May your 2014 New Year’s Resolution be to find one. Thank you, Romney family, for giving a child a family full of love.”
Of course most people who are filthy rich and own multiple homes and have a decent shot at dying with the most toys would just go, “Whatevs” and go back to accusing the house keeper of filching York Patties out of the guest candy dish, but history has shown that, when you lose to a BLACK MAN in a national election, you must dedicate your remaining days to griping and bitching and grievance mongering and being pissy on Fox, in your ghost-written books and on your Shoutyface page.
So … your move Mitt Romney:
As the Hollywood Reporter noted, it’s probably no coincidence that Romney — long reluctant to sit down for interviews — agreed to appear on Fox after a week in which MSNBC host Melissa Harris-Perry took a ton of heat for an on-air that made light of the 2012 GOP presidential nominee’s grandson, Kieran.
According to Mediaite, Romney is expected to address the controversy.
Unless Ann Romney is on with him, because Ann will cut a bitch, Mitt will probably be firm but gracious and will talk about the importance of family and about love being color blind and he will say that it is time to move on and maybe he’ll make a little joke and will smile that uncomfortable-with-human-emotions grimace-smile of his and will end up kind of laughing this whole nothing-burger off.
HA HA HA HA HA HA….