Why don’t you shut the hell up, Dick Cheney
It should probably come as no surprise that, on the heels of virtually every major media institution handing over precious airtime to the criminally stupid and incompetent folks who shoved the Iraq war down America’s throat after they were found to have been asleep at the wheel prior to 9/11, that someone would roll away the stone keeping Dick Cheney in his crypt so he could plague the country with his presence once again.
We had already heard from comb-sucking Paul Wolfowitz who suddenly became bashful about being referred to as the ‘architect’ of a misguided excursion that destroyed a country. There was Paul Bremer who decided back in the day to sack the entire Iraqi army, making them free agents with guns and training in a world without jobs. Or electricity. Or running water.
That certainly worked out well.
Politico went so far as to track down and ask for the sage words of Doug Feith; a man General Tommy Franks once called “the dumbest fucking guy on the planet,” and is not to be confused with Jim Hoft who is the “stupidest man on the Internet.”
Of course, no debate about doing something profoundly stupid and ill-conceived and totally at odds with reality in the Middle East would be complete without hearing from the one guy who has been wrong about everything every time for forever: Bill Kristol.
Which brings us back to Dick Cheney, Vice President who was the United States from 2001 to 2009, and perennial Halliburton Employee of the Year from 2002 on, probably to infinity.
The man who who once had this conversation on TV in 2003:
VICE PRES. CHENEY: I think things have gotten so bad inside Iraq from the standpoint of the Iraqi people, my belief is we will, in fact, be greeted as liberators.
MR. RUSSERT: If your analysis is not correct and we’re not treated as liberators but as conquerors and the Iraqis begin to resist particularly in Baghdad, do you think the American people are prepared for a long, costly and bloody battle with significant American casualties?
VICE PRES. CHENEY: Well, I don’t think it’s unlikely to unfold that way, Tim, because I really do believe we will be greeted as liberators. I’ve talked with a lot of Iraqis in the last several months myself, had them to the White House. The president and I have met with various groups and individuals, people who’ve devoted their lives from the outside to try and change things inside of Iraq.
The read we get on the people of Iraq is there’s no question but what they want to get rid of Saddam Hussein and they will welcome as liberators the United States when we come to do that.
With the help of his daughter — failed candidate for office and both Daddy’s Little Deferment and the amanuensis known as Princess Snarlyface — Liz Cheney, Dick penned a screed for the Wall Street Journal about the current conditions in Iraq, and in it he wants everyone to know that …
Nope. I’m not going to tell you, because it doesn’t matter.
Outside of a tearful televised apology followed by ritual seppuku (pay per-view!), no one ever needs to hear a thing that Dick Cheney has to say again.
Fuck that guy.
Following his term as Secretary of Defense — that same period when he thought invading Iraq was a bad idea — Dick Cheney took over as CEO of government contractor Halliburton; a company that made him a very wealthy man despite the fact that he wasn’t very good at it. To repay them, and possibly make amends for his boneheaded stewardship, Cheny helped orchestrate the biggest boondoggle since the Vietnam War. Halliburton reaped billions while an estimated half million Iraqis perished and close to 4,500 Americans died.
Between the dead and the wounded, that’s enough blood to float a battleship.
While we don’t need to hear from Dick Cheney ever again, it wouldn’t hurt for Dick Cheney to hear from this Dick Cheney:
Dude, money changed you.
And we’re all still paying for it.