Never mind those dead kids, check out our NRA gunbunnies
In the wake of the Sandy Hook slaughter, where Adam Lanza watered the Tree of Liberty with the blood of 20 small children between the ages of six and seven, the NRA saw that they had their work cut out for them.
If you thought by ‘work cut out for them’ that meant the NRA would propose sensible gun legislation limiting the sales of extended magazines and weapons mores more suitable for a war zone than a dove hunt, then you don’t know how Wayne LaPierre makes his blood money.
The NRA never lets a crisis go to waste when there is way to make a buck off it. Whether it is with a membership drive driven by a frantic email campaign (“They’re coming for gunzzzz!”), or cranking up the hysteria for citizens to buy more powerful weapons for returning fire, the NRA is always there to make things worse for America while making things better ($$$!) for themselves .
As they say around the NRA water cooler: When live gives you dead kids strewn around a classroom, make deadkid-ade … in the form of hysterical appeals for cash money, dollar bills y’all, from the rubes.
But how was the NRA supposed to finesse America’s moms who spent that December day — and a few days after — hugging their kids a little tighter; happy that they didn’t end up like Charlotte Bacon, 6 Daniel Barden, 7 Olivia Engel, 6 Josephine Gay, 7 Ana Marquez-Greene, 6 Dylan Hockley, 6 Madeline Hsu, 6 Catherine Hubbard, 6 Chase Kowalski, 7 Jesse Lewis, 6 James Mattioli, 6 Grace McDonnell, 7 Emilie Parker, 6 Jack Pinto, 6 Noah Pozner, 6 Caroline Previdi, 6 Jessica Rekos, 6 Avielle Richman, 6 Benjamin Wheeler, 6 Allison Wyatt, 6?
Simple. Convince moms that they need to pack heat too.
Over the last decade, the percentage of armed women in America has risen quietly: according to Gallup, the numbers went from 13% in 2005 to 23% in 2011. By last year, that rise wasn’t so quiet anymore. Women’s interest sites declared “The Rise Of The Female Gun Nut.” A Girl and a Gun-type shooting clubs, like Babes with Bullets and The Well Armed Woman, bloomed. And a staunchly, proudly masculine industry at least attempted to keep pace. Walk around a gun show these days, and you’re more likely than not to find at least one table piled wide with .223-caliber AR-15 assault rifles rendered in hot pink.
Because nothing says ‘lady gun’ like a high powered weapon, capable of firing a death-dealing slug of metal at 3,050 feet per second, in hot pink — which also happens to be the approximate color of torn flesh around an exit wound prior to lividity setting in.
Very matchy -match.
Of course not all moms want to look like the lady on the home defense mag cover, with a sensible no-muss hairdo and a Dirty Harry squint, facing down punks attempting to get to cowering daughter, Tiffany Bella-Shania.
The NRA knows that some moms want to be the ‘cool mom,’ the one who doesn’t wear mom jeans and who scrapbooks photos taken at family picnics at the local gun range.
Today’s gun mom need to be styling, self-assured, unflappable, a woman who knows what she wants and knows how to get it.
Like this woman in an NRA ad released right after Elliott Rodger watered the Tree of Liberty with the blood of coeds:
You have to admit, nothing quite sells guns to women like an ad that looks like it’s pitching a new feminine hygiene product promising you that ‘clean fresh feeling’ that comes from not having blood on your hands.
Until the next mass shooting rolls around.
And it will.
The NRA guarantees it…