Sarah Palin is interviewing Donald Trump tonight. Will he pop the question and make her his veep?
Drop your plans for this evening because Sarah Palin is interviewing Donald Trump at her temporary gig on One America News tonight.
Could this be like The Bachelor and at the end of the show, Donald gives her the red rose as his choice for the veep nomination? We sure hope so.
Nothing gave us greater joy than when future President Donald Trump said he would give serious consideration to nominating former half-term Alaskan governor, reality show host, and Facebook philosopher Sarah Palin to a cabinet post.
“If there is a Trump administration, could you see picking up the phone, giving the governor a call and picking her brain on some things, or perhaps having her along in some official capacity?” Trump was asked.
“I’d love that,” Trump replied. “Because she really is somebody who knows what’s happening and she’s a special person, she’s really a special person and I think people know that.”
We would love that too, and Sarah has left the door open.
But why stop at half measures like making Sarah Palin the Secretary of Labor because she has had five children — or only four if you are Andrew Sullivan — or nominating her to be Defense Secretary because she once oversaw the Alaskan National Guard while they kept us safe from the Russians for the thirty-one months she was in office before she quit and left us defenseless?
In what would no doubt be a rare example of throwing caution to the wind and saying what he really thinks, Trump should select Palin as his 2016 Presidential running mate immediately and blow all the other candidates out of the water leaving nothing but smooth sailing and nothing to do but sit back and wait for the inauguration.
Here are several reasons why this makes sense.
The conservative base and media obsession: Like Trump, Palin fires up the base. Despite being a few months past her sell-by date, Palin still draws media attention like a bargain-basement Kardashian. Despite rarely venturing out of her Wasilla snow compound or Casa de Mamacita Oso in Arizona, one Facebook post from her can set conservative hearts atwitter and Twitter abuzz. As for Trump, he rules HuffPo’s world:
They both speak their mind: Donald Trump will say anything. In a recent interview he explained that he often goes off script because “it fires the crowd up.” Mexicans are all “rapists”? Sure, why not. Former POW John McCain is no hero? Sarah Palin is there to defend Trump against the man who rescued her from Alaskan obscurity. Sarah also has the habit of going off script. Which brings us to…
Rhetorical style: To say that Donald Trump is “bombastic” is like saying that “water is wet.” People living in huts deep within the Amazonian rainforest know that Trump talks a lot of trash. As for Palin — her style is both bombastic (“Waterboarding is how we baptize terrorists“) and “unique“.
Aren’t you the same anti-beef screamers blogging hate from your comfy leather office chairs, wrapped in your fashionable leather belts above your kickin’ new leather pumps you bought because your celebrity idols (who sport fur and crocodile purses) grinned in a tabloid wearing the exact same Louboutins exiting sleek cowhide covered limo seats on their way to some liberal fundraiser shindig at some sushi bar that features poor dead smelly roe (that I used to strip from our Bristol Bay-caught fish, and in a Dillingham cannery I packed those castoff fish eggs for you while laughing with co-workers about the suckers paying absurdly high prices to party with the throw away parts of our wild seafood)? I believe you call those discarded funky eggs “caviar”.
Reality show experience: Both Trump and Palin have reality show experience which Americans have come to believe is how real life plays out for people who don’t have to make mortgage payments or go to the bathroom. The illusion of being unscripted while at the same time treating every word that comes out of a character’s mouth as being both portentous and important is not only right in Palin and Trump’s wheelhouse, but is a baseline qualification for being a politician. Besides many American treat voting like it’s American Idol, so why not a couple of performers who always play to the crowd?
Looks: Both Palin and Trump are known for their elaborate hairdo’s. From Donald Trump’s fake peach-flavored frozen yogurt swirl to Sarah Palin’s always ready for a prom Bump-it style, they are glamour writ large.
Friends already: They are already BFF’s, having gotten together years ago to plot worldwide domination over pizza, which leads us to…
Pizza: They both eat pizza with a fork. which is both glamorous and class personified, so we know they won’t embarrass us at State dinners — as long as they keep their mouths full and they don’t try to speak.
Money: Trump claims to have lots of it despite multiple bankruptcies and Palin is obsessed with money, quitting office to make more by turning herself into a “brand” like Trump. A pay-per-view wrestling match between the two of them for a nickel spotted on the floor would finance the whole campaign.
Us: As a wise man once said, “Here we are now, entertain us.” America can not get enough of Trump or Palin. Together they would be the Great American Exploding Multi-Car Pile-up Hit By A Sharknado from which we would be helpless to avert our eyes.
As much as we might say, “Why are you guys publicizing these two idiots” Americans will still gawk and tut-tut and roll their eyes, because they exemplify everything thing that we know deep down is wrong with us. Greed, bombast, unearned self-regard, and knee-jerk simplistic actions and responses to complex problems. When we look into the abyss that is the celebrity of Donald Trump and Sarah Palin, we see ourselves. And we can’t look away.
Trump/Palin 2016: Because it is what America deserves.