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The rather uninspired nature of DNC blogger reporting
was in part due to the fact that a number of the credentialed
bloggers (mostly critics of John Kerry,) were dis-invited
just prior to the convention (full disclosure: this
included two editors of Raw Story, though the writer
didn't know this at the time of his writing). Bloggers
are used to working without censorship from higher-ups.
The same standard would never be applied to paper
journalists. Unless, of course, Anne Coulter jumped
aboard the Kerry ferry some time without my taking
notice. The remaining bloggers—honestly the
cream of the crop, the best of the best any way you
look at it—were then loosed upon the unsuspecting
convention delegates.
Now, I love oxblog, wonkette, iddybud and American
Amnesia as much as the next guy. More, in fact. These
people find stories that have otherwise slipped through
the cracks and follow them with a tenacity that print
journalists sorely lack. But we have to remember that
these people have some of the best blogs out there.
Many of these bloggers are, in fact, writers and journalists
who use their blog as a way of expressing themselves
outside of the restrictions of print media. These
people sent to the DNC were more tenacious and intelligent
than most of the professional journalists there—and
they still blew it.
For every under cover Washington Post writer on the
web, there are about 2,500 failed novelists desperate
for attention from a Reality TV world obsessed with
undeserved fame. Even the worst bloggers are going
to demand their share of attention. For them, I offer
a few simple tips for cleaning up the blogosphere:
*Stop inventing cute little words like “Blogosphere”.
If someone needs a key to read your blog, the only
people reading it will be other bloggers. Since the
same information tends to turn up on pretty much every
blog, what’s the point in that?
*When put in a situation to be “real”
journalists do not focus on the human interest aspects
of the story. Or should I say “little interest”?
How many words can one really devote to John Edward’s
arm and still retain a reader’s interest? Who
really cares what Teresa’s hair looked like?
Or how charming Obama is? No one but Larry King and
you.
*Stop trying to call the election. Your wacky little
angle about how the Amish aren’t counted in
phone polls is just that.
*You’re not that interesting. And you’re
not supposed to be. If there is a stranger out there
who cares what you ate for breakfast, do you really
want them to know?
Most blogs, unfortunately, are just another expression
of two generations’ obsession with unearned
fame. They are repositories for whining about bloggers’
almost universally pathetic lives, cryptic love letters
to that special someone, and lots and lots of “musings”.
Do yourself a favor: If any form of the word “musing”
appears in the description of your blog, stop. Just
stop.
*Get the whole story before you shoot your keyboard
off. If you’re going to mouth off about corporate
crime, prescription drug prices, or the tax code,
you should probably bother to do a little bit of research
before you do.
Today_Isn’t_Over, for instance, writes that
“Republican's call for Gov. McGreevey's immediate
resignation is bull. They have no legit reason why
he should resign now. He came out so anybody hoping
to blackmail him is pretty much SOL.” “No
legit reason?” Today obviously missed one tiny
little piece of the story: That McGreevey appointed
his unqualified lover—an Israeli citizen—head
of his Department of Homeland Security. McGreevey’s
gay and that’s okay, but this is still a Bush
caliber homeland security boo-boo.
*Make your point clearly and concisely. Unless your
core audience consists of fans of Édouard Dujardin,
stream of consciousness probably isn’t a great
writing strategy. What Today lacks in erudition and
grammatical skill, he makes up for in brevity: “Ok,
isn't the country on some huge ass terrorist alert?
Then why the fuck is Dubya on vacation? and they expect
people to take that color collage terrorist rating
shit seriously, fucking dumbasses.” Sloppy,
but effective.
* Stop writing about the weather. The only thing
worse than a meteorologist is an amateur one. And
anybody that cares if Scranton is overcast has a variety
of other sources for that information online.
*Murder your darlings. That’s right, anything
you think is just too cute, probably is. For example,
Republican 909 must have been thrilled about his buddy
icon: an animation featuring Jesus Christ talkin’
policy in the oval office with George W. Bush, juxtaposed
with Adolf Hitler, Rosie O’Donnell and Osama
bin Laden expressing their endorsement of John Kerry.
Somewhere in there is also a baffling shot of the
Lincoln memorial. “Choose or Truely Loose,”
it concludes on a misspelling. Luckily, this won’t
sap much credibility from his blog—a collection
of ramblings that don’t even make sense in an
Anne Coulter sort of way.
*Stop having such utter contempt for anyone who isn’t
a blogger. Yes, some people are actually paid for
their thoughts in writing, and that hurts. But don’t
be bitter about it. Keep pointing out what they’re
missing, yes, but don’t pretend that the blogosphere
is the only real world when in fact it’s the
farthest thing from.
*Remember that there is an entire pre-blog dialect
of the English language. The Smoking Gun recently
posted “Son of Sam’s prison blog.”
One hell of a good read, yes, but it was written on
paper, with a typewriter. It was as if whoever posted
it either believed that the words “journal”
and “diary” were unknown to the TSG readership,
as if it were simply too archaic a form of English.
To those of you bloggers dutifully following Bush’s
latest lie and Kerry’s latest misstep, I say
fight on. Stay diligent. But if you do get an opportunity
to hang with the big boys… Don’t write
about anyone’s hair. Especially your own.
I am a blogger, and I hate myself for it. Here at
Raw Story/Blue Lemur, I
keep one, well… because editor John Byrne
made me. The news links collected there are generally
well-known, and accompanied by a hurried smart ass
comment or two. Certainly not one of the great blogs
of our time, but it does serve as a means of sharing
information that otherwise wouldn’t have fit
into this column’s format. So, I do enjoy it
to some degree.
And I still hold my head up high and my mouse firm
in my hand. Why? Nobody in New Jersey knows what I
had for breakfast, or has read through a self-indulgent
whine about whether or not I should continue to grow
my hair out. Suddenly in this world we live in, there
is pride in that.
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