I must say that I am very, very disappointed
in you. And by you, I don't mean my incredible readers
out there. I mean humanity. I was gone just six weeks,
and frankly, you let the place go to hell.
Advertisement
While I was away: O’Connor
retired, allowing Bush to nominate a mysterious conservative
who has a soft spot for torture and an anti-choice activist
wife; Liberals and moderates on the Supreme Court blew
a fifth amendment decision so royally that there now
isn’t a single justice on the court deserving
the respect of any American; Mariah Carey returned to
the top of the Billboard Hot 100, where she has been
allowed to reign for 8 weeks; Diplomacy hit such a low
point that Condoleezza Rice now appears to be the last
‘good guy’ in world headlines; London has
been hit by terrorist attacks, none of which will likely
inspire the name of a delicious Guinness and Bailey’s
concoction; Arnold Schwarzenegger called another absurd
special election before leading California into the
first stages of exactly the same sort of power crisis
that allowed him to steal his predecessor’s job;
and that bastion of human enlightenment, Mississippi,
ruled that the poor have no right to a state-paid attorney.
At least there’s one constant in the universe—one
man who will never let us down. Karl Rove (or, as the
Book of Revelations refers to him, "The Beast,")
is and will always be a being of unadulterated evil.
I could try to explain why what Rove is accused of doing
was wrong (as Bill O’Reilly did so amusingly,
in a column that could have been scribbled out in crayon
within the margins of See Spot Run,) but I
think that’s rather obvious. Outing an undercover
agent for your homeland’s Intelligence Agency
is an act of treason, pure and simple. What is interesting
about the Rove allegation isn’t that he’s
a suspect; it's that he’s so profoundly evil that
expectations seem to grant him a certain level of protection.
The public trust isn’t broken, because, well…
there is no public trust of Rove. They couldn't care
less. More than that, Rove's wicked tactics make equally
likely his outing of Plame, his innocence in the affair,
and his ability to have done so without bloodying
his own hands.
Did Rove out Valerie Plame Wilson? Americans don’t
ask so much as nod, say, “Sounds like something
he’d do,” and go about their business as
usual. His work is widely recognized as the most corrupt,
unethical, heartless, fiendish, villainous, sinful,
unprincipled, vicious, evil, egregious, heinous, contemptible,
immoral, amoral, mean, nasty, rotten, vile, shameful,
shameless, and generally most often on the wrong side
of the “shalt nots” in the business…
But he is still not necessarily guilty of this particular
misdoing. The fact that he is so politically dissolute
is just one more reason one must be especially careful
when leveling charges at him.
High expectations set by Rove’s intensely nefarious
behavior simply do not, repeat do not, make
his guilt as certain as the media feeding frenzy would
have one believe. There were other sources for the stories
who could just as easily have seen these memos. The
trial-by-speculation happening in the echo chamber that
passes for the American media is occurring because journalists
are more likely to run with a good shout-party based
on innuendo than actually dig for substantial proof
of Rove’s guilt or innocence, not because a criminal
investigation is near conclusive.
Though widespread timelines regarding the dates of
Rove’s conversations with reporters and the distribution
of the highly classified memo do indicate that he lied
right over his forked tongue when hissing backwards
at least one untruth about the Plame affair (that he
had heard about her occupation from a reporter,) this
does not by any means finger him as the party directly
responsible for giving her identity away. Remember,
the devil mixes lies with the truth, and Christmas Baby
Rove is, at the very least, a patron of the Dark Arts.
Karl Rove never deals in facts—at least
not when it comes to the media. His silence on key points
would feel damning, if we didn’t know this to
be a tactic employed by him in the past. Public denials
can make damaging sound bites, and Rove isn’t
about to drop his dignified air of unmitigated cruelty
for an arm-waving denial of any allegation, true or
false. Rather, Karl Rove delights in discrediting the
bringers of the truth, and there is nothing that would
have him clicking those cloven hooves higher than a
media smearfest that targeted him and came up wrong.
Why lie and say that the President served out his commitment
to the Texas Air National Guard when Rove (himself a
draft dodger,) when Rove could simply let false documents
somehow make their way into the lazy hands of CBS Producers?
If your enemies are embarrassed on any point, you look
better by default, and Rove’s enemies are lining
up to take a fall if this allegation comes up false.
Rove's only interests are in keeping his bosses looking
squeaky clean, smearing their opponents, and discrediting
the truth through misinformation. This is simply how
Rove operates. In 1986, he announced that his office
for the campaign of Republican Bill Clements had been
bugged by Democrats. He offered absolutely no evidence—not
so much as a single piece of found equipment. Was Rove
too lazy to make a trip to Radio Shack, or did he know
that any evidence he offered could be proven wrong?
Still, the smear turned the razor-thin poll margins
to Clements’ favor. Lessons: Karl doesn't deal
in facts, and if he can play the victim, he will. In
building that image, Rove is unlikely to be a slave
to law or morality.
Quick background on Mr. Decency: While a protégé
of Watergate conspirator Donald Segretti, Rove snuck
into Alan Dixon’s campaign headquarters, swiped
a stack of the office letterhead, and whipped up fliers
for the Democrat’s posh campaign rally. They promised,
"free beer, free food, girls and a good time for
nothing." He then handed them out at homeless shelters,
wild parties and rock concerts. Dixon became State Treasurer,
then Senator. Rove went on to lead the College Republicans.
By 1973, Karl was touring the nation teaching dirty
political tricks to young GOP, recounting his exploits
in tapes secured by the Washington Post. Rove claimed
the tapes were edited to remove a “Kids, don’t
try this at home,” disclaimer. Bush Sr. investigated
Rove for the wrongdoing recounted on the tapes, forced
out a political rival of Rove’s who was believed
to have leaked the tapes, and hired little Karl to help
revive his withering political career.
Karl’s black, leathery wings were barely even
coming in, and he had hardly learned at this point to
cover his tracks. Or, if you believe him, he had yet
to to discover his true calling as the world’s
most honest political operative. Though there is ample
documentation of his early shenanigans (and by "shenanigans,"
I mean abominable, criminal acts designed to undermine
our democracy,) most of Rove’s subsequent sinister
doings are more legend than proven fact.
Rove's signature, yellowed fang marks are not often
found on the bodies of his victims, but terrible fates
seem to befall all those who challenge Rove’s
dark lords. When Bush Jr. ran against Anne Richards
for Governor of Texas, voters began receiving calls
asking if they would be less likely to vote for her
if they discovered that her office was dominated by
lesbians. A phone poll during the 2000 primaries asked
voters if they would be less likely to vote for John
McCain if they knew that he had fathered an illegitimate
black child. McCain’s adopted daughter is from
Bangladesh, and he wasn’t shy about showing her
off on the campaign trail. Other whispers spread about
McCain during this time period included rumors that
he was a stoolie for his captors in Vietnam, and had
been driven mad by the war. Luckily, Rove's boy Bush
was able to fight the Vietnam War right here in the
continental United States.
Rove may not have been behind those push polls, but
whoever was did so as an agent of the man who is now
President of the United States. Also, the anti-Christ.
And there is a special seat in Hell waiting for them.
My only question is whether or not it’s the throne.
Clearly falsified documents, discs and DAT tapes are
said to have been found by Rove’s perceived enemies,
containing damaging information about his clients that,
if made public, would have made the bearers look like
frauds. In 1992, Rove left Bush Sr.’s campaign.
Many believe he was fired by Bush's team for leaking
information to… Any guesses? Bob Novak.
The moment Plame’s identity was revealed, anyone
who had ever heard the name Karl Rove assumed an 80%
likelihood that Rove was behind it… Somehow. Speculation
was restricted to which bumbling Bushie he tricked into
doing it (Bolton was a popular guess,) and, on the outside
chance that he did have the audacity to do it himself,
how Novak ever managed to get the smell of goat’s
blood out of his clothing.
Is Rove guilty? Oh, he’s guilty as all hell.
But is he the person directly responsible for the criminal
act of leaking an undercover CIA agent’s name
to the press? That remains to be seen. In the meantime,
we cannot assume his silence to be evidence of guilt.
A man is innocent until proven guilty, if not in spirit,
than in law. And never trust the devil; not even to
lie.
Avery
Walker is a Managing Editor of Rawstory.com. He can
be reached via e-mail at avery@rawstory.com.
