These talents singled
out George as a man to be reckoned with in subsequent
years. For who else could have set up an oil exploration
company, incurring catastrophic losses for investors,
yet emerge dancing a jig, personally well in the black?
Who but George could have borrowed $600,000, invested
it in the Texas Rangers, and turned it into 15 million
in cold hard cash? Only a man of staggering genius,
that's who.
And then the boom fell. As popular legend has it,
George became a teetotaler on turning 40, after a
raucous night of birthday boozing in Colorado.
According to the president, this sudden about-face
was part of a "broader spiritual awakening" on his
part and caused by the realization that alcohol was
beginning to sap his energy and compete for his affections.
From what I've gleaned from Bush's
behavior over the years, I'm not buying it. An
equally likely scenario finds George caught in a Broadmoor
resort hot-tub with a Filipino chamber-maid by a none-too-happy
Laura Bush, who demanded the next day that either
the booze goes or she goes. While I have no salacious
proof of this incident, other than the word of a sauced-up
Texan in a Bangkok girlie bar, it seems wholly more
reasonable than George's Road to Damascus story.
The following 14 years of sobriety inflicted a heavy
toll on George's talents. Though he managed to assume
the presidency, the nation has clearly witnessed a
broken man over the past four years: the mangled speech
and problems reading, the bicycle and Segway tumbles,
the unfortunate incident with the pretzel. Even his
gallant attempts at swagger somehow always come off
half-baked and impotent. It's been like watching Popeye
walk through a world without spinach tins.
I for one think the American public deserves to see
a fair fight between Bush and Kerry for the remainder
of the race, each man at peek fitness, especially
during the debates. It's time to see that bravado
George exhibited when he challenged Bush the Elder
to go "mano y mano" after smashing his car into poppy's
garbage can. That's the kind of mettle demanded in
this uncertain century. It's time for Bush to welcome
back his loyal friend.
Though Laura will surely balk on seeing the bottle
again, George must be resolute, reminding her that
he is, after all, this century's embodiment of Winston
Churchill, that great British statesman whose favorite
libational toast was "I have taken more out of alcohol
than alcohol has taken out of me," and who reminded
civilization that history tells us "never trust a
man who has a not a single redeeming vice" —
and that her husband is sorely in need of regaining
our trust. George can even rally the White House doctors
to his purpose, having them cite the recent Whitehall
Study, where British scientists made the startling
discovery that for middle-aged subjects, increasing
levels of alcohol consumption were associated with
better cognitive function and that these benefits
appeared greatest among the heaviest drinkers, those
drinking more than 30 highballs, or five full bottles
of table wine, a week. To not re-open the wet bar
would be plain stupid.
Happily, George won't have to drink alone. He's got
the twins on the campaign trail with him. It'll be
a family affair.
| D.A. Blyler is the author of
the novel Steffi’s Club. His essays have
appeared at Salon.com, The Korean Herald, Bangkok’s
The Nation, and other international and online
publications. A lecturer at Rajabhat University
Rajanagarindra, he makes his home in Thailand.
His latest novel can be purchased at Amazon.com. |
 |
|
|
