AN AMERICAN ABROAD
Thoughtful criticism, Jon Stewart, and political hackery

By D.A. Blyler | RAW STORY COLUMNIST

Although I live in a remote village on the other side of the world, I too was able to watch Jon Stewart’s decimation of Tucker Carlson on CNN’s Crossfire. And for that, I will remain forever grateful to the inventors of the Internet.

With writings marketed as a “clarion call” to Americans who cherish traditional values and the art of critical thinking, good ol’ Cal has managed to get his column in more than 550 newspapers across the United States. He now is the most widely syndicated op-ed writer in the land. Tribune Media Services trumpets him as being “trusted by millions,” as each week these folks are led to believe they are reading an independent minded conservative columnist in the tradition of Bill Buckley and George Will — but so much easier to digest because Cal doesn’t include those annoying literary references. In reality, Cal’s columns (more often than not) mine a vein of political hackery that trumps even the bow-tied munchkin Carlson.

Take the column Cal wrote after the third presidential debate. In a rabid assault worthy of Zell Miller or Dick Cheney, Cal claimed that there was little in John Kerry’s “wealthy and privileged life about personal initiative, right choices, or individual liberty.” I guess Cal forgot all that stuff about Kerry being a decorated war veteran; or about how he took on organized crime as a Massachusetts prosecutor, while also establishing rape counseling programs and fighting for crime victims’ rights; or about how as a senator he co-sponsored bills to strengthen aviation security, reduce the deficit, balance the budget, and provide health care to five million children. But let’s forgive Cal this lapse, since the initiative and choices taken by the privileged Kerry certainly do pale when compared to how George W. Bush overcame the hardships of growing up as a poor black child in the Deep South to become our 43rd president.

What we can’t forgive, though, is the jingoistic myth-making that Cal regularly spins to make his poorer readers feel better about their America. In the above column, before Cal launched his ethically bereft assessment of Kerry’s accomplishments, he engaged in a little flag-waving to buck up those citizens worried about health-care:

“The United States has the best health care in the world….Why do so many want to come here for vital surgery, including citizens of Canada, where socialized medicine is not serving its people well? The best costs more, but the results are better.”

Well, where to begin? Since Canada gets so much short shrift these days why don’t we start with her citizens. While it is true that some of our friends up North come here for vital surgery, only 2 percent of Canadians (according to the Toronto Star) think that we have a better health care system. The reason that wealthy foreigners sometimes use our emergency-care surgeons is because we have the best health care business in the world. And that business allows our best hospitals to buy and use the most expensive, cutting edge technology for critical cases. But being a business, a pound of cure wins out over an ounce of prevention every time — creating an inferior system, with final results that are not only not “better” (as Cal would like us to believe) but far worse than many industrialized countries.

For example, let’s say you are stricken with a heart attack. Where do you think your best chance of survival is? Not the United States. For men, it’s Japan, for women, France. In fact, according to the American Heart Association, our country ranks a dismal 22nd and 23rd (for men and women). Even more gloomy is the United States’ international ranking for health care. The World Health Organization ranks us 72nd for our “level of health care” and 37th for our “overall health system performance.” But then again the WHO is probably just some dodgy international organization who wants to shame the U.S with unfounded rankings. We Americans prefer to view things in black and white from our own turf. So a better barometer might be to use home grown statistics and check where the U.S. ranks with regards to life expectancy and infant mortality. Well, on that score we don’t make the top ten either. Shucks.

But let’s get back to Cal. Maybe I’m getting him all wrong. Perhaps I am not being fair. Maybe he was just being ironic when he made those statements. He is famously known for his “sharp-witted” remarks. In fact on the Cal Thomas website he’s posted some of his most lively quotes, such as: “Homosexuals should not be censored” and “Democrats care for homeless people as much as Palestinian leaders care about refugees.” Hahahaha. Hohohoho.

Pull up a chair at the Algonquin table, Cal. You’re such a card.

D.A. Blyler is the author of the novel Steffi’s Club. His essays have appeared at Salon.com, The Korean Herald, Bangkok’s The Nation, and other international and online publications. A lecturer at Rajabhat University Rajanagarindra, he makes his home in Thailand. His latest novel can be purchased at Amazon.com.