It’s
hard to be a news junkie these days and not hear a lot of talk
about trade issues. I hear calls for fair trade based on principles
of vote pandering by Democrats running for President. I have heard
the sage counsel of Republicans assuring the unemployed that trade
betters us all in the long run because, well, look! Chinese made
lamps at Wal-Mart for only $10!
But these
are serious times and they call for sober policy discussions.
Champions of free trade argue that if a product can be made for
less outside the United States, we must utilize those cheap production
costs, using the ensuing savings in a productive way. However,
the cost of those efficiency gains may be jobs that offer a middle
class life to those without the high level of education to compete
for the very high paying jobs free trade creates.
If we found
a way to ease the pain of those Americans we could put this messy
debate to rest and focus on important things, like spring training.
I have thought of a way to do just that. If that wasn’t
enough my solution utilizes the theorems of free trade to achieve
the result. It’s perfect symmetry!
I want to
outsource the United Sates federal government. Let’s be
honest, they’re not doing a whole lot down there anyway.
The 2005 federal budget President Bush submitted to Congress amounted
to roughly 2.4 trillion dollars. Do you seriously doubt we could
find someone to do that job for less? I say put it out to bid.
(No I’m not talking to you Haliburton!) You don’t
think there’d be some takers? I’ve seen video of the
fistfights among South Korean legislators. I bet you some of those
fighting Koreans could get this job done. Or what about the British?
Bad teeth and all maybe it’s time to give the Queen another
shot at running things over here. At the very least we could watch
Prime Minister’s Questions become Must See TV.
This past
August the Department of Labor, or as the North Koreans might
rename it the Department of Shut Up and Get Back to Work, reported
an unemployment rate of 5.7%. That amounts to roughly 8.1 million
people. Consensus is that the unemployment rate does not reflect
the full number of unemployed Americans because some have dropped
out of the labor force. Apparently having accepted that being
unemployed, poor and faced with a steady diet of Ramen noodles
is preferable to working full time for Wal-Mart, being poor and
enjoying a steady diet of Ramen noodles. So let’s put our
number of unemployed Americans at 10 million.
I bet our
outsourcing saves a third off our current ‘production’
costs. Castro could probably get it done for a couple hundred
billion; he’s used to making do with less, but let’s
be on the safe side. This leaves 800 billion dollars a year to
cushion the blow of globalization. We could buy each of our ten
million unemployed Americans eight thousand Chinese made lamps
from their local Wal-Mart. That’s 600,000 watts of reading
light by which to search their help wanted section.
Think of
other possibilities eighty thousand dollars per unemployed American
would offer us; a new Porsche every year, luxurious timeshares
in the Caribbean, maybe even health insurance! The impoverished
in this country can start sharing the good life. This is all before
we have even touched on state governments. You think Mexico might
like a shot at running California for a few billion less?
So I say
let multi-national corporations go ahead and move our jobs overseas.
We Americans have worked harder and longer than anyone else for
decades now. I think it’s about time we took a break. I
for one am quite willing to give up my place in the workforce.
I’m sure there’s a 14 year old in China who will be
strongly encouraged into being more productive in my stead. I’ve
learned that if someone somewhere will do something for less then
that’s what we should do. Now all I need is room for all
my new lamps.
—Christopher
Burke is a freelance writer and a regular contributor to Raw Story.
All his articles published on Raw Story can be found at the Burke
archive page.
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editors welcome an editorial response to this and any other published
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