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Laws don't determine who or what you fall in love with.
They do, however, hold the keys to certain benefits
that a legal marriage can give you. That is what a gay
couple from Phoenix has been fighting for, even before
San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom decided to be the poster
child for gay rights, and the issue of gay marriage
became a staple of conversation in this country.
In the middle of 2003, Tod Alan Keltner and his partner
Harold Donald Standhardt wanted to bring their seven-year
relationship to another level. They asked for a marriage
license and when they were turned away, they took their
argument to court, filing a lawsuit in July 2003, the
first gay couple in Arizona to do so.
"We are more interested in actual rights,"
Keltner said. "We want to have joint custody of
children. We want to own property together. Medical
rights. Insurance rights. We're sick and tired of jumping
through hoops."
Those hoops include mounds of legal paperwork the
couple has to go through that will garner them many
of the rights that legally married couples take for
granted. Such things as inheritance and medical rights
all have to be sorted out by lawyers. For a husband
and wife, it's a much easier process.
"We have to get a power of attorney to protect
our property rights together and because we aren't legally
married, it costs us $4,000," Keltner said. "For
heterosexual married couples, it costs about $50."
And you thought marriage was only about love.
Keltner said eventually that they want to adopt children
and had in fact already gone through the early stages
of the process, only to stop when they were asked who
was going to be the parent and who was going to be the
co-parent. They didn't want to choose.
Again, it isn't a matter of who would love the child
more. It's about who is the legal guardian of the child.
If Keltner is the parent and he dies, Standhardt has
to regain custody of the child he has cared for through
court, a process that is completely nonexistent in the
world of legal heterosexual marriage.
All of this is coming to a climactic ruling on May
17, when Massachusetts will be granting full civil marriage
rights to same-sex couples. It most likely isn’t
a coincidence that 50 years ago to the day there was
another ruling handed down from the court in Brown v.
the Board of Education. Many have equated the struggle
to rid the education system of the ill-conceived “separate
but equal” notion to the fight homosexuals are
instigating for marriage rights.
“I’ll continue to fight for justice and
equality,” Keltner said. “I believe it’s
just an example of how evolved the human race is becoming.”
Much stands in their way, including protests from
the religious right and conservative politicians who
hide behind the definition of marriage being between
a man and a woman.
"I don't believe it is in the best interest of
society as a whole to condone or encourage actions that
are harmful to society," Rep. Mark Andersen, R-Mesa,
Ariz., said. "To create a new definition of marriage
would further devalue the institution and confuse future
generations."
And, as we all know, marriage is such a revered institution
that should be used as a model for a perfect society.
According to Divorce magazine, the institution of
marriage has been on a decline, with at least 10 percent
of the population divorcing and with many people going
through multiple marriages and divorces.
Las Vegas, the haven for quickie romances and even
quicker marriages, is also the hotbed for cheap divorces
and annulments. The year even opened with the highly
publicized annulment of Britney Spears to her "childhood
friend" Jason Allen Alexander after only a couple
of hours. There's even a Web site that to assist in
divorces and annulments in Nevada (www.nevadadivorce.net).
The argument on the other side is to bring up the
smaller country of Scandinavia, where there gay marriage
has been legal for at least 10 years. Since then, more
children are born out of wedlock and conservatives claim
that the institution of marriage is dying and virtually
gone. But is anyone asking to see if these neo-families
are happier?
It’s ironic that one of the most beloved television
shows, “Friends,” is also one that promotes
a new definition of marriage and family. They prove
that the convention definition of family and marriage
isn’t always the way. In fact, raising a family
with your friends might be better.
“I don’t know why people are so opposed
to gay marriage,” Keltner said. “I think
it’s a belief system they have from childhood.
They have not had any exposure to people like us, who
aren’t flashy or anything. We just want the basic
rights and to raise a family, you know the American
dream.”
The Arizona Supreme Court has yet to hand down its
decision on Keltner’s lawsuit. Some think the
court is waiting to see what the nation will be like
after the Massachusetts decision. Either way Keltner,
his partner and hundreds of their friends will be out
on the street, protesting for the rights the heterosexual
world has without question.
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