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Wait, what? No way! You’re telling me that it’s
a bad thing to insert a small piece of jagged metal
into my eye? Well, who’d a thunk it?
According to the British doctors, it’s very likely
that the piece could move around causing further scarring,
bleeding and possibly blindness.
So in these people’s foolhardy quests to be seen
as individuals they might end up seeing nothing at all.
Vanity has never sounded so ironic.
*
Oh, those silly Mormons are at it again.
Once upon a time, in the great Salt Lake City, they
developed a software program called Clearplay. This
wonderful program for the PC will edit DVDs on your
DVD-ROM and cut or mute out all the naughty bits, so
you don’t have to.
Mormons everywhere rejoice and give their fast-forward
buttons a much-needed rest.
Wal-Mart and RCA have teamed up to bring this program
a new lease on life. They’ve created the first
DVD player that utilizes this software, and plan to
market it everywhere … just as soon as their day
in court is through.
Of course, evil, liberal Hollywood is trying to keep
it down. Using their fancy lawyers like a well-dressed
army, they wave their petty flag of “artistic
integrity.” They’d much rather innocent
women and children be exposed to the graphic sex of
a “Show Girls,” and the language of a “Goodfellas.”
For shame! God-fearing people should be able to watch
these movies without having to see these movies, if
they so choose.
Of course, it appears that Wal-Mart and RCA are optimistic
about the case. They’ve already begun mass production
of the units. They better hurry up and put this stuff
in TVs so I don’t have to bother exercising my
own judgment. Thinking makes me dangerous!
Imagine a land in which nobody does bad things. Nobody
can cuss, fornicate or watch images of either as part
of his or her on-screen entertainment.
Welcome to Utah.
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