If the content of my
columns has been regularly drawn to a just a few subjects,
my technique has also followed a fairly consistent
pattern. I like to examine a couple of seemingly unconnected
facts and present an unconventional hypothesis that
explains them both. I don’t necessarily claim
the hypothesis is correct; I just ask a “what
if?” and let you decide.
Raw Story has reported on the records recently released
by the Secret Service showing that JimmyJeff GannonGuckert
visited the White House more than 200 times over a
period stretching from February of 2003 – well
before the start of his stint publishing other people’s
stories under his own byline as a “reporter”
for Talon News – and his banishment in February
of this year. (Our intrepid whiffleballer insists
he is merely “on hiatus” from the White
House press room, and assumes that the reason he was
not invited to this year’s White House Correspondent’s
Dinner is that “Probably
many who would want to extend such an invitation already
assume I will be in attendance.")
Those records show some remarkable facts, which lead
to some intriguing questions. JimmyJeff visited the
White House on more than 20 occasions when there was
no White House press conference held. The Secret Service
records also disclose that there were numerous days
upon which he entered but never signed out, left but
never signed in, or was inside the White House several
hours longer than the day’s press gaggle lasted.
These facts have not been satisfactorily explained,
which only feeds the kind of ugly speculation that
gives tabloid journalism a bad name, and gives me
yet another column that practically writes itself.
As far as I know, JimmyJeff has never denied having
been a male escort. (He only coyly tells us, much
like our President does, that he has “made mistakes
in his past.” Without elocuting the sins in
his sordid past, GannonGuckert still insists that
said past should not besmirch his reputation in his
subsequent endeavors as a plagiarist.
But I digress. Fact “A” to be harmonized
today is JimmyJeff’s remarkable string of unexplained
presences within the seat of our Executive power.
These sojourns only feed rumors that began circulating
as soon as Gannongate broke: was he sleeping with
Ken Mehlman? Scott McClellan? Karl Rove?
But on to seemingly unrelated fact “B.”
A number of websites and blogs have compiled a rather
remarkable collection of photographs of George W.
Bush displaying what I can only characterize as a
rather fetishistic Presidential interest in the scalps
of bald men. (Take a look here.)
And there are a number of remarkable pictures of our
self-styled Texas Rancher in Chief holding hands with
Arab men. (See, e.g., here
I consider myself an open-minded, socially progressive,
sensitive hetero guy. I cried when I read The Kite
Runner; I cried watching Field of Dreams. I have hugged
male friends. I admit these things. But I am reasonably
sure that I have never rubbed a bald man’s head.
And even I would hesitate to walk hand-in-hand with
an adult male. Not that there is anything wrong with
it, if you go in for that sort of thing. But if I
thought my livelihood and legacy both depended on
the support of NASCAR dads, I’d eat worms before
I let myself be photographed scalp-rubbing or prince-holding.
Which brings me to seemingly unconnected special
bonus fact “C”: looking at all of these
pictures recently called to mind the now-infamous
footage of a daring Bill Clinton embracing Monica
Lewinsky when he had a photo op with a crew of White
House interns. It was as if Clinton wanted to say,
“If I was having sex with this woman, do you
think I would do THIS?”
(Cue sound of dime dropping.)
Gannongate, meet George Bush.
We know Bush has a Village People-like thing for
we know that HotMilitaryStud
claimed to have been in the Marines. (It appears JimmyJeff
about his military record, but authenticity has
always been optional for our Connecticut cowboy.)
We know Bush has a thing for bald men; Gannon, of
course has left nothing
to the imagination regarding the extent to which he
shaves areas other than his face. (Note: link
not work safe, unless your name is Jim West.) There
are rumors that Bush was, shall we say, sexually inclusive
in his fraternity days; we don’t know much about
GannonGuckert’s frat exploits, but as far as
I know he has never denied being gay.
Granted, the evidence for the hypothesis I tease
from A, B and C is so thin that “circumstantial”
would be a great leap forward in credibility. But
in the pantheon of liberal fantasies, this must stand
as the best of all possible worlds:
What if the reason JimmyJeff spent so much time in
the White House despite being manifestly unqualified
to be there (and who else fits that description?)
was a sexual relationship between GannonGuckert and
George W. Bush?
I’m just asking.
Steinberg bloviates regularly at www.bluememe.blogspot.com.