To: Senate Democrats
From: The Internet Whip

Gentlemen and Ladies: Kindly start showing some spine. It was a pleasure to see Minority Leader Sen. Harold Reid (D-NV) call Alan Greenspan a "political hack," but there's more to the Senate than mincing words.

It's time, Democrats, to join some of your more active colleagues in the House in pursuing how a prostitute—who had the President call him by his stage name—a man who alleges he saw a confidential CIA memorandum naming undercover employee Valerie Plame, who allegedly told a radio producer about the bombing of Iraq before it happened, et cetera, managed to get into the White House.

Senator Durbin told a Seattle radio station he had trouble getting his wife into the White House. While this certainly reflects admirably on Ms. Durbin's character, it further begs the question—how did that wo, that man, Monica—Jeff Lew—Jim Guckert, get into the White House?

Writing letters does not a caucus make. What about a press conference? What about putting a little stick about? Try some new ideas, gentlemen and ladies, and see if the American people don't raise their hands in approval. —I.W.

Kindly pick a proposal on Social Security and stick with it. The President is not running for reelection. You are.

And while you're at it, no more lily-livered comments about passing it to the other chamber. —I.W.

To: House Majority Leader Tom DeLay
From: The Internet Whip

Quit. —I.W.

To: Senator Joseph Lieberman
From: The Internet Whip

Privatization is not an either-or concept. —I.W.