Just Say No

Katie McKy - Raw Story Columnist
Published: Monday September 4, 2006

There's a fight scheduled in Wisconsin on November 7th, 2006. On that day, we Wisconsinites will square off, Left versus Right, decency versus tradition. We will decide if all citizens are equal, or if some citizens are more equal than others. Yeah, we're going to vote on a marriage amendment...and more. Here's the amendment:

"Only a marriage between one man and one woman shall be valid or recognized as a marriage in this state. A legal status identical or substantially similar to that of marriage for unmarried individuals shall not be valid or recognized in this state."

Since marriage for same-sex couples is already illegal in Wisconsin, the first line piles on the status quo. The second line further restricts rights. Similar amendment language in Ohio has been problematic for unmarried women involved in domestic relationships. There, the boyfriend punches a woman but is no longer yanked from the abode under domestic statutes. Instead, it's simple assault with lesser penalties. It's: bada-bing, bada-BAM, don't forget to pick up your teeth, ma'am.

The second line can also affect old folks who are shacking up, rather than marrying, to protect a pension. Since such arrangements won't "be valid or recognized in this state," hospital visitation rights, inheritance, etc., are put into peril.

But all fights should be considered in their context. Here's ours.

The context of our champions

In the far Right corner, wearing the shockingly red bloomers, is Julaine K. Appling.

Appling is a Georgia-born woman leading the fight to restrict rights.

Her bio reads, "Her educational background includes a B.A. in Humanities, a B.S. in English Education, and a Master of Science in Educational Administration and Supervision. Through the years she has done additional graduate-level course work at UW-Madison and UW-Milwaukee."

Three degrees. Damn. Pretty impressive. I wonder why she didn't name the school? No, I don't really wonder. She's a three-time BJU grad. That's Bob Jones University. There, she was schooled in comporting herself like a lay-dee.

Consider this, from BJU's "Student Expectations/Dress Code for Women" page: "Loose-fitting jeans may be worn between women's residence halls and when participating in activities where the durability of the fabric is important, such as skiing and ice-skating."

Now, if someone had told me where I can and can't wear britches, I might flee Dixie, like Appling did. But she's got some balls to come here where she can wear the pants and tell everyone here how to live.

In the Left corner, looking cool in blue, is Mike Tate. Tate is the campaign manager for Fair Wisconsin.

Tate says, "I've always felt that this is a state where everyone gets a fair shake. This is too important to not become involved. If you'd told me 2 years ago that this is what I'd be doing, I wouldn't have believed you, but I believe that it's the civil rights fight of my generation."

As Tate is straight, young, and male, it might not seem to be his fight, but he knows something about Wisconsin history, which leads to the historical context.

Historical Context

Wisconsin gave birth to ""Fighting Bob" La Follette." Fighting Bob fought for "child labor laws, women's suffrage, and other progressive reforms." He was a populist who also fought for social security and freedom of speech during wartime. W woulda hated him.

Wisconsin is also known for the Wisconsin Idea, which advocates, among other things, workers' compensation and progressive taxation.

Unfortunately, "Machine Gunner Joe" McCarthy was also born in Wisconsin. Whereas Appling commits omissions in her bio, McCarthy committed additions to his.

Joe said he flew 32 missions 'cause he wanted the Distinguished Flying Cross. Joe even had a letter, signed by high mucky mucks. Joe lied. And he faked the letter. Joe even lied about his "war wound," which he received in equatorial shennanigans. So, in between boozing and founding McCarthyism, McCarthy pretended to be a war-wounded hero.

So, for LaFollette versus McCarthy, here are the crib notes:

"Fighting Bob": fought for equality.

"Machine Gunner Joe": a drunken liar and bully.

I don't have to wonder where Bob and Joe would side if they were still alive. Joe would be in Appling's corner. But Fighting Bob would probably pick up a folding chair, ala a WWF manager, and whack Appling upside her head. Then he'd disembowel her big queer strawman (Here's an imagination aid: Recall the flying monkeys atop the Scarecrow in Oz.)

As a telling aside, only 3 degrees separate McCarthy and Appling. McCarthy was defended by Ann Coulter in her book, Treason: Liberal Treachery from the Cold War to the War on Terrorism. Coulter also wrote the forward for "Feminist Fantasies," which was written by Phyllis Schlafly. Finally, if a Phyllis Schlafly sound-alike and look-alike contest were held, Appling could win it by rolling out of bed.

In summary, Appling's not a Georgia peach.

Constitutional Context

The 14th Amendment to the United States Constitution: "No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States."

Nuff said.

National Context

"I once wished that I'd been alive in the 60s or during the American Revolution," says Tate. "This is the next fight. I really believe in it. We've got a real shot at beating these guys. It would send a signal to the rest of the country that here in Wisconsin we stopped this sort of discrimination from happening. You look at our electorate. When I'm asked to describe Wisconsin voters to people not from here, I ask them to consider 2004, when we had over 300,000 people that voted for George Bush and Russ Feingold and didn't think twice about that. You couldn't find 2 more polar politicians. Plus, we were the first state to sign sexuality-protecting legislation by 7 years and it was signed by a Republican governor, Lee Sherman Dreyfus, in 1982. Today, he's a big supporter of our campaign. He's very vocal in his opposition to the amendment. We have other Republicans supporting us too."

However, there are Republicans and there are neocons. Consider the political context.

The Political Context

Wisconsin's Governor Jim Doyle: "Wisconsin already outlaws gay marriage. This amendment is unnecessary, and was only intended to divide people. Worse, it would make it impossible for some people to make final medical or inheritance decisions for a loved one. Instead of dividing our state, we should find ways to bring people together."

Oh, yeah. The neocons love to drag the gay boogeyman out of the closet come elections.

Economic Context

Generally, blue states are rich and red states are poor. The 5 richest states are blue. The 10 poorest are red.

And here's one reason why: A few years back, corporations could compete globally by hiring and promoting people with pink penises. But due to the Internet and globalization, if an international civil engineering firm doesn't hire a brilliant Laotian lesbian who had Internet access and studied 18 hours a day -- while her pink-penised counterpart in Ames, Iowa played beer pong -- the competition will. Increasingly, corporations hire the best, regardless of who sticks what colored body appendage where. And corporations often don't build plants in places that favor folks with pink penises, not when geniuses with yellow vaginas won't want to work there.

Plus, geeks follow the gays. Young, smart, worldly people are more likely to reject homogeneous communities and embrace communities with homosexual neighbors.

If one community doesn't make space for gays, another will. Consider Rob Carpick , an associate professor of engineering, at UW-Madison. He brought in $3.4 million in grants. He's now leaving for the University of Pennsylvania, precisely because it offers domestic partner benefits.

If You Play by the Rules

I'll close with more from Mike Tate: "There's a strong Libertarian streak in Wisconsin. People make sure that government isn't inhibiting people from living their lives. Over 20 percent of Wisconsin has been represented by an openly gay representative. Steve Gunderson and Tammy Baldwin were both reelected as gay people. A lot don't know anyone that's gay and they might be uncomfortable with gay people, but they still believe that everyone deserves a fair shake and if you work hard and play by the rules, you deserve a good life in our state."

If you too believe that hard work deserves a fair shake and you know someone in Wisconsin, call them. Urge them to refuse an amendment that makes some citizens more equal than others. Tell them that Nancy Reagan finally gets it right. Tell them to just say, "No."

Katie McKy is the author of the just released book, Pumpkin Town. She also wrote, It All Began With a Bean.