SNL special report: John McCain is 'crazy old' John McCain is "crazy old" according to a satirical Special Report that was part of NBC's Saturday Night Live. Citing "evidence" such as his eating a buffet dinner at 4:30 PM, watching Wheel of Fortune and having a dish of hard-candy in his living room, the skit poked fun at the presumptive Republican nominee's age.
This video is from NBC's Saturday Night Live, broadcast March 15, 2008.
Transcript via closed captions
:: we interrupt this program for an nbc special report. here's brian williams.
:: good evening in a weak already ripe with political scandal, we now have another revelation that is bound to shake up the republican nomination. after a year-long nbc news investigation it has come to light that the presumptive republican nominee john mccain is in fact old. [ laughter ] nbc news has obtained a copy of mccain's birth certificate that appears to confirm that he is not only old, but very old. [ light laughter ] the kind of old that makes you not really trust him with scissors. due to the potentially damaging nature of these allegations, we've invited senator mccain to be on the program. senator what is your response to this scandal?
:: i wouldn't really call this a scandal. the fact is i've never lied about my age, nor should i have to. i'm 71, but i work 24/7. i'm very active.
:: so you wouldn't describe yourself as old?
:: absolutely not.
:: ah, senator, this investigation was exhaustive. let me show you some of what nbc uncovered. here's a surveillance photo of you, senator, walking into bob evans to take advantage of their buffet. [ light laughter ]
:: yes. i was having dinner. i don't see how that's relevant.
:: can you see the time stamp on that photo, senator? it says 4:30 in the afternoon. [ laughter ]
:: my friends, i would rather talk about national priorities, like the young men and women who serving in iraq!
:: they also went into your bank records and found this. this is a check signed by you, senator. it was sent to your grandson for his birthday. [ laughter ] as you can see, the check for $5 and the memo line reads, for penny candy. can you explain this, senator?
:: i don't see anything wrong with giving my grandson a birthday present. look, i want to discuss pork barrel spending.
:: they also uncovered phone records. call logs show that several times you were contacted by fraudulent telemarketers. these scam artists tricked you into buying low-cost vitamins a rotisserie grill and a non-existent time share in orlando. [ light laughter ] now, are you afraid of strange people on the phone, senator?
:: what? no.
:: do they confuse you with their fast talk and big promises? [ light laughter ]
:: let's cut the brass tacks, my friends. i may be 71, but i'm not too old to run this country!
:: are you old enough to regularly use the phrase, "brass tacks"? [ light laughter ]
:: you know, as i've said many times, why don't you look at my mother? she's 95. she's fit as a fiddle.
:: fit as a fiddle, is that another one of those senior expressions? [ laughter ] if you're just joining us, hours ago it was confirmed by multiple sources that senator john mccain is crazy old. here to confirm our awe analysis are two admittedly old people.
:: hello.
:: we on?
:: hello.
:: hello? [ light laughter ]
:: yes. yes, you're on, gentlemen.
:: we're are you, brian?
:: no, we can't see you at all.
:: i can't -- we can't see you.
:: gentlemen -- yes. gentlemen, i'm in new york. we're doing this by satellite.
:: what's that?
:: he's in new york.
:: can you hear us? hello?
:: yeah. i can hear you. senator mccain is here with me. he claims that he is not old and that these charges are unfounded.
:: i'm 71.
:: i'm 68.
:: and i'm 70. do you watch "wheel of fortune"?
:: of course. everybody does.
:: is there a jar full of hard candy in your living room?
:: yes. so what?
:: do you steal sweet'n low packets from mcdonald's?
:: maybe once or twice.
:: then you're old, john.
:: you're old.
:: you're old. admit it.
:: thank you. we now return to our regularly scheduled program. join us tonight for more coverage of this seniorgate scandal. we'll examine surveillance footage of senator mccain sitting alone on a bench in the middle of the mall.
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