Congress passed the landmark “Grab Life By the Balls” bill, which is estimated to save billions in Social Security costs, the Onion News Network reported. The legislation encourages Americans to “live fast and die young” by outlawing helmets, making anything legal if snorted and providing tax breaks to citizens who brandish broadswords in public.

Watch video, courtesy of the Onion News Network, below:

Social Security Reform Bill Encourages Americans To Live Faster, Die Younger