“For the past five years, I’ve noticed myself deteriorating,” said correspondent Jason Jones on Thursday night’s episode of The Daily Show. “I was fatigued. And gaining weight exponentially. Every day was a struggle.”

“So I decided to talk to a television doctor. I told him about my insomnia. The vomit I would mysteriously find on my chest. The voices that hounded me every night and weekend. I wasn’t prepared for what he was was going to tell me,” Jones continued.

“Well, it sounds like you have children,” the doctor said.

“In my nights of sleepless research, I discovered that children are degenerative condition that affects every race across the globe,” Jones added.

Cut to Jones’ televised vasectomy, complete with testicle shot, which you can view below. This video was originally uploaded by Mediaite on August 4, 2001.