And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Cristal

By Jesse Taylor
Wednesday, June 25, 2008 23:46 EDT
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imageAs we enter the fourth week of the Glorious Revolution, Sean ‘Puffy’ Combs is getting a little bit overzealous.

“If we all register and vote, we will have the first black president in the history of America,” Sean “Diddy” Combs told the crowd Tuesday at the Shrine Auditorium before chanting “Obama or Die” – a declarative remix of his neutral “Vote or Die” motto from the 2004 presidential election, when he attempted to boost the youth vote.

This, honestly, was always a risk. In any nation’s transition from a regime defined by its power-hungry leader and reliance on torture into a democracy, you run the risk of radical factions attempting to divert the fragile process towards a second and allegedly more “legitimate” form of tyranny. Should you find yourself confronted by the roving “Obama or Die” squads, here are a few tips for dealing with them:

  • You can identify such squads by their captains, who will usually be found wearing thick fur coats and Timberland boots in the middle of summer.
  • If you find yourself confronted by Puffy, just ask him about how he influenced Biggie Smalls’ seminal album Ready to Die. The intervening 45 minutes of boasting should allow you time to sneak your family and valuables out of your home, prepare a meal for the drive and Google map directions to wherever you’d like to go.
  • Given the successes of O-Town, Danity Kane, Da Band and Day26, any death squad Puffy sends out should fall apart due to infighting and general lack of talent within a few days.

Please note, 101st Fighting Keyboardists, that the official position of the Glorious Revolution is to denounce and reject all death squad related activity against nonsupporters of our leader. For now.

Also, Gateway Pundit worries that the Inaugural Ball will turn into the BET Awards. Well, I hate to break it to White America, but any time more than ten black people are in the same large space, it always turns into the BET Awards. You can look forward to Oliver Willis receiving Best R&B Album of 2007 at Netroots Nation, by the way.

Jesse Taylor
Jesse Taylor
Jesse Taylor is an attorney and blogger from the great state of Ohio. He founded Pandagon in July, 2002, and has also served on the campaign and in the administration of former Ohio Governor Ted Strickland. He focuses on politics, race, law and pop culture, as well as the odd personal digression when the mood strikes.
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