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The Nativity Story

By Jesse Taylor
Monday, August 4, 2008 13:09 EDT
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imageToday is the celebration of the birth of Our Lord and Hustler, Barack Hussein Obama, the new Liberal Messiah. Sorry, Al Gore, but we are constitutionally required by Liberitical law to take an underqualified black Messiah over more qualified white ones.

As we celebrate the new covenant between mankind and our race baiting Savior, let us look back and learn his story. Barack Obama was born in Hawai’i on August 4, 1961. He was simultaneously born in Saudi Arabia, Kenya, Australia and on the Moon. There are birth certificates for each.

The Five Obamas of Fury, although a blessing to an earth in desperate need of guidance and salvation, could not all simultaneously stand as beacons to a mankind crying in desperate need for a senator from Illinois whose focus was on passing landmark ethics reform and nuclear proliferation legislation. As it was prophesied.

So, on August 4, 1966 (also the day on which false prophet John Lennon declared his Beatles more popular than Jesus), the five Obamas were brought to the First Indonesian Church of Obama (also known as Obama’s house) and there did a miracle happen! The five Obamas in a bright flash of light became one…and then disappeared!

The newly whole Obama was sent back to the origin of time by…well, by himself, because that’s the way Barack Obama rolls. (Thus, incidentally, is the genesis of the rap group Jurassic 5′s name.) The reason Barack Obama understands his place in history is because he has literally experienced all of history – personally. The whole presidency thing is just kind of a lark, really.

Upon his arrival back in 1966, Obama made his ageless form back into that of a five-year old, so as not to startle the minds of disbelievers. That leads us to today, where Obama is set to realize his true destiny as Mesus, the Uppity, Narcissistic Messiah. Obama is infinite and endless, and you cannot stop him – you cannot even hope to contain him. Come and drink of his drank and eat of his chicken nuggets.

Today is the day we rejoice in the coldly dismissive shadow of Mesus. Gather, all ye faithful, and donate within the ordained FEC regulations. Praise be to Mesus.

Jesse Taylor
Jesse Taylor
Jesse Taylor is an attorney and blogger from the great state of Ohio. He founded Pandagon in July, 2002, and has also served on the campaign and in the administration of former Ohio Governor Ted Strickland. He focuses on politics, race, law and pop culture, as well as the odd personal digression when the mood strikes.
 
 
 
 
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