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Bamboozled! Led Astray!

By Jesse Taylor
Friday, August 22, 2008 17:02 EDT
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imageFactCheck goes and looks at Barack Obama’s birth certificate – the real, live thing that they can hold in their hands. Because they are not fucking nuts, they conclude that the document is, in fact, a real birth certificate which certifies Obama’s birth in the United States on August 4, 1961.

Not good enough.

Never ones to be deterred by facts, pictures or common sense, the Obama Conspirajadeen are back on the case, proving why Obama got a fake birth certificate, then took a public trip to Hawaii to pick up another real birth certificate when he could have just ordered another one through the mail, scanned in the fake one first and handed it out, then came back and let another organization use the real one…which was conveniently time-stamped fourteen months prior to when he was supposed to have obtained it. And the reason all of this makes sense? Barack Obama has secret and nefarious connections to Factcheck.org!

Enough of me, let’s let the nuts speak for themselves. And please note that I’m not bringing over Atlas Shrugs’ overuse of bold, italics and colors, because it makes my head hurt enough as it is.

As Donald Luskin said back in 2005, “it’s a sad commentary on the state of public discourse when you have to fact-check FactCheck.org”. And the Economic Policy Institute wrote on a different matter, ” How Factcheck.org got it wrong”.

It’s actually a sad commentary on the state of public discourse when you have to reference Donald Luskin. (I’m glad to see he’s moved from playing Panzer Dragoon Orta to Wii Speed Racer, at least.) Luskin’s “fact checking” involved defending an infinite horizon estimate of the Social Security shortfall – which, from what I remember at the time, was about as dumb and dishonest as it sounds. Its only real point was to set up a new standard of accounting that made private accounts look better.

EPI’s complaint was that FactCheck didn’t properly show how shitty the Bush economy was, which isn’t something I’d think that the Atlas Shrugs crowd would want to point out. Alas, they’ll sacrifice anything in pursuit of defeating Blackazoid.

So, I wouldn’t jump on the Annenberg Fact Checker’s assessment of Obama’s birth certificate certification. But if it keeps Hillary off the ticket, I’ll pipe down. How curious, a zillion experts looking at the same scan for months on the Obama’s Fight the Smears website (after the KOS scan was an admitted forgery)……….. they waited so long and then presto!

A “zillion”, of course, meaning Atlas Shrugs’ own “techdude” and a PUMA blogger. Fear them, for they are legion.

Here’s the “fraud” in question, with the “admission” coming somewhere in this interminably long discussion of someone photoshopping the original certificate. Or something. By this point, the Illuminati already stepped in and disappeared the original birth doctor, then backdated Hawaii’s admission to the Union to 1841.

I mean, really. The man just comes back from Hawaii and voila! A new and different COLB.

Which is actually the same one, date-stamped to June 6th of 2007.

But how, you might ask, is it “different”? Because they said the fuck so, that’s why, sizzlechest.

My tech expert says, “look very carefully at the document. It is the same one “scanned” but the scan is not an exact match. Too much border on the short left side now and too much at the bottom. “Extra paper”. Could it have been a bad scan where the side and bottom were cut off? Perhaps. But now look at the border…it now has a pretty hatch pattern inside another hatch pattern but still has a weakline flaw. Odd that all did not show on a 300dpi scan and still odd there are no matching borders found any place else. I guess we know what Obama was doing in Hawaii on vacation. It also looks like it was printed in an inkjet not a laser (bad pix hard to really tell without seeing it in person and using a 20x loop to see the printing).”

So, it’s the same document, but the scan was off. Unfortunately for the Obama campaign, “cropping” of an image was not a feature common on consumer computers until August of 2008, meaning that the alteration in length or width of a document could only have come from the creation of a second fake document. The borders are also apparently different despite looking exactly the same (Obama version, FactCheck version).

I mean really. The man just comes back from Hawaii and voila! A new and different COLB.

You said that. And then your “expert” said this was the same document. AND IT LOOKS EXACTLY THE FUCKING SAME BECAUSE IT’S THE SAME FUCKING DOCUMENT.

Assholes.

I did, however, save one of the best parts for (almost) last. FactCheck is a part of UPenn’s Annenberg Public Policy Center. Barack Obama worked for Chicago’s Annenberg Challenge. See where this is going?

OT: Annenberg and Obama have a history ……….. this from the Stanley Kurtz article Chicago Annenberg Challenge Shutdown? A cover-up in the making?

When Obama made his first run for political office, articles in both the Chicago DefenderHyde Park Herald featured among his qualifications his position as chairman of the board of the Chicago Annenberg Challenge, a foundation where Ayers was a founder and guiding force. and the Obama assumed the Annenberg board chairmanship only months before his first run for office, and almost certainly received the job at the behest of Bill Ayers. During Obama’s time as Annenberg board chairman, Ayers’s own education projects received substantial funding. Indeed, during its first year, the Chicago Annenberg Challenge struggled with significant concerns about possible conflicts of interest. With a writ to aid Chicago’s public schools, the Annenberg challenge played a deeply political role in Chicago’s education wars, and as Annenberg board chairman, Obama clearly aligned himself with Ayers’s radical views on education issues. With Obama heading up the board and Ayers heading up the other key operating body of the Annenberg Challenge, the two would necessarily have had a close working relationship for years (therefore “exchanging ideas on a regular basis”).

Yes. Barack Obama, at the tender age of 28, was the shadow partner behind the Annenberg Foundation, first allowing him to run a slush fund to public schools in conjunction with the terrorist then promoting the construction of a “non-partisan” fact checking center for use in his presidential campaign years down the road.

Do not fuck with the Mesus.

Lastly, we’ve got the token PUMA chiming in:

UPDATE: Texas Darlin makes some very good points here:

I can guarantee you he/she doesn’t.

Interesting, indeed. I have the following questions for Factcheck. Since they are so on-top of this story, I’m sure they have answers:

1. What took the campaign so long to show an actual document to the media?

It was always available, I just doubt anyone was bored enough to go look at the birth certificate of a sitting United States Senator with a passport to ensure that it wasn’t a document created through a decades-long international conspiracy for Kenya/Indonesia/Islam to usurp the rightful Constitutional power of the United States of America. However, it was probably either this or the veepstakes.

2. What other media did the campaign offer to show the COLB to, and have any others seen it and touched it, handled and photographed it? Or only Annenberg-owned Factcheck?

Actually, this may be valid. I think the images may be stills from outtakes from Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within.

3. Why did the campaign go to such trouble to digitally black out the certificate number when it could have stuck a piece of solid black tape over the number, especially since, as Factcheck reported, they were in such a hurry?

Because it takes thirty seconds to black out something in Photoshop? Who the fuck is going to put black tape on their birth certificate?

4. Why did Janice Okubo tell a reporter that the COLB was ordered “this month” (June 2008 ) if it was ordered in June 2007?

Because she got it wrong, I’d say.

5. Since Factcheck is seemingly in the business of helping the Obama campaign fight smears, did Factcheck ask the campaign about the rumor that Republicans are holding Barry Soetoro’s birth certificate? If so, what was the campaign’s response? If not, why not?

Why would you ask if a second birth certificate from a different country existed for someone who already had one from this country? “Is the opposition party holding a birth certificate for someone with a different name from a different country?” And if you’re going to ask that, why wouldn’t you first ask how Blackazoid defeated the hordes of Alpha Centauri when he was light years away from the grits and collard greens that give him his strength?

Most importantly, why are you so dumb?

And finally…

Thank fucking God.

6. How did Factcheck end up getting this access? Did they ask the campaign, or did the campaign offer to show it to Factcheck? The article is mysteriously vague on that point: “FactCheck representatives got a chance to spend some time with the birth certificate.”

Sweet Christmas! Without the answer to that question, the entire document, the entire story, the entirety of the Obamaverse could be a dark and decrepit fiction crumbling from within before our very eyes. I’m worried. Pants-wettingly worried. Sorry, couch.

There are no words to describe the intemperate idiocy required for this to continue to be pushed. Of course, there’s yet more. I’m so very sorry, people.

I agree with Old Atlantic’s comment:

“We don’t know about name changes, parents, guardians, etc. We also know that Hawaii can issue a colb for out of state birth. Obama didn’t grant permission to Hawaii to answer all questions or release the file. Why did Okubo say, according to a recent press report, that Hawaii contacted the Obama campaign and got no response? What about releasing the files in Indonesia? What about the US passport files? What about Obama authorizing any country, state, school, or religious institution to release all records and post them on the internet?

Why doesn’t Obama answer the questions about Indonesia, including having a passport instead of this? This is a blow off.

Why doesn’t Obama authorize former Harvard students to talk about him? Others he knew? Disclose who paid for Harvard?”

Read the birth certificate. It says he was born in Hawaii. There is a concurrent listing in a Hawaiian newspaper saying he was born in Hawaii. Tell you what – at this point, you all should really just give up any pretense of “verifying” evidence. Just take it as gospel that Obama was born in Indonesia and shipped back over to America, where he was retroactively given a new place of birth and a new birth father (and new race, because he’s as Indonesian as I am Japanese), and has managed to falsify his birth certificate and entire biography for forty seven years past dozens of government agencies and several political opponents.

I advise that you don’t accept anything until Barack Obama personally sits in your lap and shows you every piece of documentation concerning every element of his life and verifies it using no fewer than five independent experts from various classified intelligence agencies.

And then after that, take a long, boiling bath to wash off the taint of your own failure as a human being. It won’t work…but it’s a start.

Jesse Taylor
Jesse Taylor
Jesse Taylor is an attorney and blogger from the great state of Ohio. He founded Pandagon in July, 2002, and has also served on the campaign and in the administration of former Ohio Governor Ted Strickland. He focuses on politics, race, law and pop culture, as well as the odd personal digression when the mood strikes.
 
 
 
 
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