Quantcast

Roses Really Smell Like Boo-Boo

By Jesse Taylor
Friday, September 12, 2008 13:13 EDT
google plus icon
 
  • Print Friendly and PDF
  • Email this page

image
Michelle Malkin is pissed because Barack Obama tossed his rose on a pile of roses rather than laying it down John McCain was a POW.

What? Sorry.

See, the proper way to handle placing a rose on a big pile of roses is to place it in a somber fashion at the base of the pile of roses, rather than gently tossing it in somber fashion onto the pile of roses already there, which in no way actually explains how the other roses got in the big pile in the middle. My guess is God did it.

There’s reason to be glad here – we must reach across party lines and respect what basic psychology and utter crazy conservative desperation teaches us were the final thoughts of the victims of 9/11, in the following order:

1.) “Oh, my God, I’m going to die. I hope my family knows I love them.”

2.) “Don’t throw the goddamn roses on our public memorial. That’s just classless. Place them like a gentleman or lady would. Also, before you place the roses, make sure you cut the stems diagonally and place them in nutrient water before you bring them, because the roses should appear healthy and full. Preferably, we’d also like a full range of colors from yellow and white to pink and red, distributed roughly equally so as to give the appearance of diversity coupled with solidarity. I don’t know why my thoughts always turn to roses in times of crisis…but it’s comforting.”

3.) “I hope we bomb the fuck out of Iraq. I really do.”

Jesse Taylor
Jesse Taylor
Jesse Taylor is an attorney and blogger from the great state of Ohio. He founded Pandagon in July, 2002, and has also served on the campaign and in the administration of former Ohio Governor Ted Strickland. He focuses on politics, race, law and pop culture, as well as the odd personal digression when the mood strikes.
 
 
 
 
By commenting, you agree to our terms of service
and to abide by our commenting policy.
 
Google+