Comedy Central’s Stephen Colbert was prepared in his fake-pundit persona to cheer on the House Republicans who, he explained, had said, “Thanks but no thanks on that bailout to nowhere.”
But even Colbert had to acknowledge that “the supporters of this bill wouldn’t shut up about how this is the end of the world.”
“So just why did a free market president like Bush propose a government bailout in the first place?” asked Colbert.
“The market is not functioning properly,” Bush stated in a recent appearance.
“The market is fine,” Colbert objected. “We are the ones who are not functioning properly.” He went on to explain that “the free market is not just some economic theory we can abandon when things get rough. It requires faith.”
Colbert continued expanding on the idea of faith, saying, “It is a lot like believing in another all-powerful being — God. The market is all around us. … It guides us with an invisible hand. … Like God, if we have faith in it, the free market is the answer to all our problems — but if we doubt it, it will withhold its precious gifts.”
“Some out there, folks, are going to say that this financial meltdown shows the market is fallible — that it is, in fact, not God,” cautioned Colbert. However, he insisted, “It does not mean that the market is not God. It means that the market is just a dangerous and destructive god. …Maybe the market isn’t like the Judaeo-Christian god at all. It might be a blindly vengeful god, with a thousand hungry mouths.”
“We must believe even harder!” thundered Colbert in a sermon-like conclusion. “Our god demands sacrifice! And I don’t mean regulation, I mean human flesh!”
“It’s gobbling Wall Street firm by firm, and it’s still hungry,” he proclaimed. “I say we feed it Main Street! … Being eaten alive by the market is better than admitting the government should have any role!”
“Thanks to the House Republicans, we are in the market’s hands,” concluded Colbert, “and it will take care of us only if we trust it.”
This video is from Comedy Central’s The Colbert Report, broadcast September 29, 2008.