Let’s Get This Franchise CRUNK

By Jesse Taylor
Wednesday, October 15, 2008 11:17 EDT
google plus icon
  • Print Friendly and PDF
  • Email this page

The Wisconsin GOP is asking for inner city vote suppressors, and its request is…a bit specific.

Jonathan Waclawski, the party’s election day operations, wrote in a Sept. 8 e-mail that he needed contact information for people “who would potentially be willing to volunteer … at inner city (more intimidating) polling places. Particularly, I am interested in names of Milwaukee area veterans, policemen, security personnel, firefighters etc. … If you have any connections with such organizations, please pass that information on.”

There is, of course, a perfectly reasonable explanation for why the GOP is asking for law enforcement officials and people with experience subduing threats to head into predominantly minority areas.

“This is much ado about nothing. I don’t see anything wrong with this,” said Kirsten Kukowski, a spokeswoman with the Wisconsin GOP. “Intimidating was referring to the polling places, not to poll watchers who would be intimidating,” she said. “The way I read this we are looking for people to go to intimidating places.

“We are not going to send an 80-year-old woman from the suburbs, who has been making calls for us, into the city where she is not used to driving, not used to parking, not used to finding her way,” Kukowski said. “It is an incredible leap to say from what is in that e-mail that we are looking for big people at the polls. No way does it say that.”

Right. Parking. I’ve always found that without professional firearms training, my ability to navigate parking garages really suffers. We must protect old white women from the dread scourge of, er, parallel parking.

This would be far more believable if we assumed that the only two classes of volunteers available to the GOP were elderly woman and law enforcement officials, but I know for a fact that there are hordes of preternaturally angry middle-aged office workers available to the Wisconsin GOP for all manner of vote challenging and crypto-racist under-the-breath muttering. Sure, you can assemble a special force to head into the dangerous streets of Killwaukee, but Coo Coo Cal has taught us that the only thing you have to fear in the ghetto is a dance party at the laundromat:

Of course, should the Wisconsin Wolverines encounter any armed resistance, Blackazoid’s Nubian Army has already revealed their marching patterns on YouTube:

Godspeed, brave GOP warriors. May you face down the dangers of minorities voting with the same bravery and aplomb you faced down condoms and evolution in your schools – with passive-aggressive sniping and disingenuous fearmongering. They’ll never know what hit ‘em.

Jesse Taylor
Jesse Taylor
Jesse Taylor is an attorney and blogger from the great state of Ohio. He founded Pandagon in July, 2002, and has also served on the campaign and in the administration of former Ohio Governor Ted Strickland. He focuses on politics, race, law and pop culture, as well as the odd personal digression when the mood strikes.
By commenting, you agree to our terms of service
and to abide by our commenting policy.