My Apologies To John Derbyshire

By Jesse Taylor
Friday, October 31, 2008 0:41 EDT
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This is the dumbest thing ever written.

To save you the pain of reading the several thousand words encompassing this startling case that will change everything you know forever, Atlas Shrugged thinks that Malcolm X is Barack Obama’s real father. And he was born in Seattle.

Now, you might ask, wouldn’t Obama being born to his mother, an American citizen, and Malcom X, an American citizen, fundamentally destroy the entire case that conservative whackjobs have been building about Obama actually being a foreign citizen who’s ineligible to run for the presidency?

No, as Atlas Shrugged commenter flyingsongster tells us, because they have a backup theory.

Of course they do. Because the first thing they teach in Wingnut Night School is to always back up your work.

I now understand that at least half of the state attorney generals in the country will challenge Obama’s residency before certifying his nomination. Lawsuits will be filed to clarify Obama’s birth in the United States.

Until today I simply believed that Obama was born in Hawaii. After doing some research I found it is not so clear cut. Obama may have been born in Canada or even Kenya. The birth certificate he has provided as proof of live birth is flawed. The first one his election team provided had no certification seal. The second had the seal and fold marks.

There is also a “Barrack Hussein Mohamed Obama” born on 23 August 1961 in Canada — which is where people are saying Obama was really born — not Hawaii.

The proof for this? There is none. Quite literally, none. But it does proffer the perfect bookend to the greatest story ever told: Malcolm X had a love child with a University of Hawaii student who moved to Seattle and he then made go over the border to Canada to have a child whose parentage and name he then conspired to give to a Kenyan national still in Hawaii and then manufactured a fake birth certificate to hide the fact that the kid was born in Canada, despite the fact that he would have been born to two American parents and therefore an American citizen anyway.

It’s like Look Who’s Talking, except that John Travolta gets shot in the end.

UPDATE: I demand a DNA test be done between Barack Obama and Malcolm X’s closest living relative, Denzel Washington.

Jesse Taylor
Jesse Taylor
Jesse Taylor is an attorney and blogger from the great state of Ohio. He founded Pandagon in July, 2002, and has also served on the campaign and in the administration of former Ohio Governor Ted Strickland. He focuses on politics, race, law and pop culture, as well as the odd personal digression when the mood strikes.
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