My Conservative Is Dumb

By Jesse Taylor
Friday, November 7, 2008 21:30 EDT
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imageDid you know our new president-elect is black? Black people do.

There are two potential reasons for this. The first reason is that after centuries of oppression, stunted attempts at freedom, setbacks in the face of what seemed like great potential for progress, a major and history-changing event has happened which gives hope and inspiration to a racial minority which for so long has felt removed and discriminated against the political process which governs them.

The second is that they’re all racist rappers. Thank you, Michelle Malkin.

There is a new national slogan/anthem catching on among America’s youth. It’s a popular rap song, a t-shirt, and a taunting chant.


Go ahead and Google it. They’re blasting it on the streets of Chicago, saying it like a prayer in Durham, singing it on campus, and putting it on their kids’ clothes in Harlem.

They’re also tattooing it on their faces in Negroville. We also have this sad, sad tale of anti-white bigotry:

My senior at an upscale Cobb County Georgia (Newt’s old district) high school came home today in tears. Every black student at this school, where race isn’t usually an indicator of whether or not the teens are friends…they all get along and are for the most part, almost all college bound… was wearing their Obama t-shirts today. Many of them said, “My president is BLACK.” Many had Obama’s head printed on cardboard and waved them through the halls taunting the white kids with, “McCain sucks” and “F– McCain.”

Anyone who’d previously professed support for McCain is being taunted with “racist.”

My daughter asked the assistant principal what would happen if she came to school tomorrow with a t-shirt that said, “My president is white” on it. The answer was something like, “I’m with you, but there’s nothing we can do about it.”

It’s hard to explain on the scale of stupidity and bigotry how fucking stupid and bigoted this is.

Besides the fact that teenagers are do fucking silly and awful shit to each other, if you came to school with a t-shirt that said “My president is white”, it would be odd because a.) every president until this one has not only been white, but generally a superlative form of white that just whites out all other forms of whites in a big ass melanin-lacking supernova and b.) because there’s no history of oppression of white people at any point in our nation’s history, it would be taken as a statement of racial supremacy rather than one of solidarity. Especially in Cobb fucking County, Georgia.

Alas, we have yet to reach the worst part: evil thuggish negro rappers are using bad grammar to start this incipient t-shirt race war.

Obama supporter and rapper Young Jeezy, who worked the phone banks for his candidate before Election Day, penned “My President Is Black” in time for the Democrat convention in August and invoked it after Obama’s victory. Here’s the video (language warning/not safe for work):

Here are the “lyrics:”

Far be it from me to be so impolitic as to point out that referring to the intelligible words to a song in scare quotes so as to make it seem as if they’re something alien and scary and threatening is hugely fucking racist. I would never do so impolite a thing. Let us instead check the nigger words lyrics:

Today Was A Good Day Hope I Have Me A Great Nite
I Dunno Wat U Fishin For Hope U Catch You A Great White
Need I Say Great White Heavy As Killer Wales
I Cannot Believe This Who Knew It Came In Bails
Who Knew It Came Wit Jail Who Knew It Came With Prison
Jus Cuz You Got An Opinion Does That Make You A Politician
Bush Robbed All Of Us Would That Make Him A Criminal
& Den He Cheated In Florida Would Dat Make Him a Seminal

If You Transcribe A Song In All Caps
That Lets Me Know What’s The Haps
And If I Transcribe Exactly As It’s Said
Dat Make Me Thaink Dat Dis Hole Thang Deeeead

You know, if you’re going to transcribe a song so as to make the person performing it seems stupid due to their accent, it would help if you actually spelled the words properly and used correct punctuation. I’m pretty sure no amount of ghetto removes commas and question marks.

Fellow rapper and Obama supporter Nas produced a slightly less angry, but similarly race-conscious anthem, “Black President:”

Look, My President Is Black isn’t the deepest song in the world, but it’s not really “angry”. The guy’s black and he’s got a raspy voice. I understand that in Michelle’s community, that either makes him a janitor or a rapist (check his countertops!), but the flashes of anger over Bush don’t…

…I’m trying to explain a rap song to Michelle Malkin. I might as well try to explain a Paul Laurence Dunbar poem to a sixteen year-old with a Confederate flag tattoo.

Barack Obama’s ascent was supposed to heal the racial divide. It’s having the opposite effect in some parts of the country.

By making white people uncomfortable with pride in a momentous accomplishment. Right.

I eagerly await the “I Do Not Know What Color My President Is Because I Do Not See Presidents That Way” shirts. Gotta finance the server somehow.

Jesse Taylor
Jesse Taylor
Jesse Taylor is an attorney and blogger from the great state of Ohio. He founded Pandagon in July, 2002, and has also served on the campaign and in the administration of former Ohio Governor Ted Strickland. He focuses on politics, race, law and pop culture, as well as the odd personal digression when the mood strikes.
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