The annual tradition has begun—right wing pundits are stirring up shit with their gullible readers by declaring that there’s a “war on Christmas”. You’d be hard pressed to find a better example than the mythical war on Christmas to demonstrate that culture warriors are a cynical, disingenuous bunch who make up issues to get excited about to distract people from the real Republican war on people who aren’t rich. That said, I do think that Brent Bozell really is as upset as he comes across in this temper tantrum of a column. Because the Colbert Report expertly dismantled the scare tactics of the right in the video above—they actually managed to get Toby Keith to sing a song about fighting for the right in the war on Christmas, and it’s hysterical. It’s so funny, in fact, that it caused Bozell’s anus to constrict violently around the giant stick that’s crammed up there, and I suspect he got splinters.
The lyrics (written by “Daily Show” executive producer David Javerbaum) are not what you would call subtle (or intelligent) about those bullying Christians. The song jokes that idiotic Colbert-clone conservatives think Santa Claus and Uncle Sam are one and the same, “so boys, take aim.” Perhaps this joking about slaying the unbelievers might warm the hearts of those who equate Christians with bloodthirsty Muslim radicals. I’m sure Rosie O’Donnell gives it two thumbs up.
He also goes into a fully frothing freak-out over the use of Willie Nelson in another skit as a pot-smoking wise man in a nativity scene. Seems like Bozell’s going to have to declare a War On Country Musicians along with a War On Humor and the War On Ass Splinters. It’s no surprise that Bozell is in a huff over this show, because the more that the disingenuous war on Christmas panic is satirized, the more it loses its punch, which means that culture warriors may have to find a replacement panic to get the intensely gullible all worked up. Of course, the ostensible reason is that the show is disrespectful to Christianity (and that Colbert must be a closet atheist), because it pokes fun at the silly things that people believe in, like the power of prayer. And this is Not Suitable For Children, because they day your kids realize it’s cracked for grown adults to believe in angels is the day they quit believing their parents know everything.
This bit of hypocrisy is amusing.
But as usual with satirists, he is cynical and hypocritical.
Satirists have nothing on right wing pundits in the cynical-and-hypocritical department, I’d say. I can’t think of anything more cynical than pushing the War On Christmas as if it’s a real phenomenon, and nothing more hypocritical than carrying on about morality when you can’t even be bothered to be an honest person. Really, I’m just in love with that statement, because—and I’m sure that Bozell doesn’t realize this, because he’s that sloppy—he’s implicitly denouncing all satire as inherently distasteful and probably immoral. Which, to be fair, is probably what any of us would think if we felt that stick up our asses grating uncomfortably against rectal tissue every time we giggled.
Colbert proclaimed a while back on “60 Minutes” that he never lets his children watch his shows, because they don’t get his irony. He just makes them so that everyone else’s children are instructed to laugh along.
And by “children”, Bozell means grown adults. Because children can be told to turn off the TV and go to bed. In fact, the rule of thumb when some wingnut is going on about “the children” is that they mean “adults that we can’t control though we think we should have that right”. They don’t want the world child-proofed so much as asshole-proofed, where they can walk around being giant assholes without ever running the risk that someone will call them out for it.