The Year Of Living Conservatively

By Jesse Taylor
Tuesday, January 6, 2009 15:27 EDT
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imageHollywood conservatives, it’s time for an intervention.

Have a look at some of the great things that have happened recently at the multiplex. Spider-Man 3, a pro-American, pro-responsibility film with deeply Christian overtones topped the box office in 2007. 300, which said a lot that needed to be said about the war on terror, came in at number ten. Even more amazing, the Oscar winner for the year was No Country for Old Men, a decidedly conservative film that linked the evil of its nihilist serial killer to the decline of morals since the 1960’s. “Once you stop hearing sir or ma’am,” says the film’s lone moral voice, “the rest [of the evil] will follow.”

It was pretty much the same this year. Top of the box office so far: the blatantly pro-war on terror Dark Knight. The Christian Prince Caspian is at number eleven. The pro-abstinence Twilight is currently at sixteen and still hot. And perhaps most delightfully, and of course most ignored by the MSM: the Christian pro-marriage film Fireproof, despite suffering from its shoestring budget, still out-performed such favorites of our media elites as W, Religulous and Stop-Loss.

I’m not really sure you want to claim as a conservative triumph a movie that has teenager girls mutilating themselves in order to prove their devotion to it. Or hell, maybe that’s your thing.

You can’t both claim that Hollywood is producing tons of great conservatives movies that are massively marketed and highly successful, and then claim that you’re also facing McCarthy-style oppression that puts your very livelihood at risk for being conservative in Hollywood. There’s really only three possible explanations for this:

1.) Hollywood is inadvertently letting conservative productions costing hundreds of millions of dollars and entailing huge financial risk through the pipeline, because they’re so busy ensuring that any star who’s ever visited the Heritage Foundation’s website is stuck doing direct-to-video until they contribute to the DNC.

2.) Hollywood is actually nowhere near as liberal as conservatives claim, and the whining over the new Hollywood Gestapo is just a bunch of pampered assholes preemptively complaining in order to provide another negotiating tool: if you choose “liberal” X over me, I’ll make a federal case out of it. I may be 5’3″, balding and paunchy, but I can play a great Larry Bird, dammit!

3.) Conservatives are so desperate to find conservative art that they’d claim Seven Poundings and The Curious Case of Benjamin’s Fuckin’ as conservative statements if they had an American flag on the cover.

Which do you think it is?

Jesse Taylor
Jesse Taylor
Jesse Taylor is an attorney and blogger from the great state of Ohio. He founded Pandagon in July, 2002, and has also served on the campaign and in the administration of former Ohio Governor Ted Strickland. He focuses on politics, race, law and pop culture, as well as the odd personal digression when the mood strikes.
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