Oh no, we’re falling behind! Please step up and help us stuff the ballot box in a contest that’s all about ballot box stuffing. Remember, you can vote once a day.
To make it worse, our worthy opposition has (gasp!) gone negative. (Cue faux outrage from supporters and sad and weary head-shaking from candidates.)
That damn Panda blog is beating us. Since when do a bunch of very large bitches get their asses kicked by some half-extinct, slow-moving vegetarians??
Pandas are tough and mean enough to go the distance. If elected, pandas would totally go find and kill that mofo Osama bin Laden. Witness the panda fury:
(I chose this angry panda video because others weren’t funny, because people actually got hurt. Who knew?)