I can’t stop thinking about this

By Amanda Marcotte
Wednesday, January 28, 2009 1:06 EDT
google plus icon
  • Print Friendly and PDF
  • Email this page

Update: It’s officially out.

I’ve literally spent all day, on and off, obsessing over the way that Republicans have made an issue out of contraception funding in this stimulus bill. It looks like it’s coming out, since Obama is firm about not letting this small issue stop the bill. His reasoning is that the money can be put into another bill, which is actually not a bad idea because then we can have another round of Republicans going on talk shows to talk about the evils of contraception while journalists inject to point out that contraception is really evil. Or communist, even.

Yep, Chris Matthews thinks providing financial assistance for contraception is the same thing as the one-child policy in China. This is an opinion that differs not one whit from that of the bug-eyed anti-choice nuts who think that Planned Parenthood is run by the Elders of Zion in order to capitalize on a lower birth rate as part of the New World Order. What this is not is the opinion of your average American, who just can’t be so severely undersexed that they get bent out of shape at the mere thought of other people doing it without getting horribly punished somehow.

Because at this point, I have to think that the only reason you’d take the Republicans’ titillation bait on this is because you can’t get laid to save your life, and you’re lashing out at everyone who can. I expect that saying this will be considered unfair. After all, many people have trouble getting laid, but they don’t lash out and act like assholes about it. It’s true. But I have to warn the wingnuts out there who are melting down because OMG FAMILY PLANNING—every sane person who witnesses your meltdown is assuming that you are suffering from impotence, either erectile or social, but either way, it’s clearly not happening for you and you’re bitter. Like these morons at Red State who are eating Boehner’s shit right up. (Hat tip.) The title alone screams, “I’ve never seen a woman naked, and probably never will without paying for it, and I’m bitter.”

Earmarks for ‘Great Sex’

Favorite quote (read Sadly, No for more):

It ought to make clear that abstinence is the only sure-fire way to prevent such transmission (at least in most cases).

I just can’t trust someone who says, “Choose abstinence” when they’ve had abstinence thrust upon them.

I hate pulling this card, but I’m doing it for a couple of reasons. First, it’s a public service to the people who are going along with this bullshit—if you caterwaul about Medicaid funding contraception, you might as well hang a sign around your neck that says “Unfuckable Loser”. Most people will not tell you this, but they’re thinking it. I will tell you this so that if it bothers you that people think this about you, you can make changes in your behavior that stop sending that signal. Ironically, this improvement to your personality might make it easier for you to get laid, so consider this a double service.

Second of all, I think that we have another Terri Schiavo moment going on here. Republicans and their media enablers are under the impression that a whole lot of Americans are really obsessed with the evils of contraception, and so they’re promoting this controversy as if it’s a real controversy. But we aren’t actually a nation full of undersexed weirdos who are simmering with resentment. But in reality, it’s just a teeny fraction of Americans who happen to be unable to shut the fuck up, making their numbers seem greater than they are. In fact, the people who are anti-contraception are the same group of nitwits who decided that Terri Schiavo’s feeding tube was a matter of national importance. When the Republicans and their media allies cater to these morons, it’s like catering to the people who think the TV show “Alf” was a documentary. We’re not talking huge numbers, and you’d think the Schiavo thing would have made them realize that aligning themselves with anti-choice zealots turns the public at large against them.

This issue is going to keep coming up, because Republicans are just warming up for the fight on universal health care. And they’ve shown their hand—they’re going to make contraception access a major issue. The fear that other people are out there fucking and not paying for it with STDs and unintended pregnancy will be a major talking point, as I feared. Feared and hoped. I fear it, because repetition may normalize the idea that there’s something shady about women who use or have used contraception, even though that number amounts to 98% of women who have ever had intercourse. Contraception, as I’ve said before, ranks just below breathing and eating in popularity. But that’s why I’m leaning on the hope side of the equation, because contraceptive use is so common. These attacks on contraception are completely tone deaf. It’s absolutely bizarre to watch a bunch of people on TV discuss this as if contraception was some exotic sex practice, when you know that every single person involved in the conversation has used it, and is probably currently still a user. If anything, not using contraception is considered the freakish behavior in the U.S.—look at how people view the Duggar family as if they were a circus sideshow. I just think the genie’s out of the bottle on this one, and the chance that conservatives are able to re-stigmatize contraception are much lower than the chance that this whole thing will turn into another Terri Schiavo fiasco for them.

Amanda Marcotte
Amanda Marcotte
Amanda Marcotte is a freelance journalist born and bred in Texas, but now living in the writer reserve of Brooklyn. She focuses on feminism, national politics, and pop culture, with the order shifting depending on her mood and the state of the nation.
By commenting, you agree to our terms of service
and to abide by our commenting policy.