Handicapping The RNC Chair Race

By Jesse Taylor
Friday, January 30, 2009 17:18 EDT
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As if it’s not already…

There are currently five people (plus, apparently, whoever wants to wander in off the street) running for the thankless job of sending out blast faxes from Rush Limbaugh to RedState. Oh, excuse me, Twitter updates. They’re so 21st century!

Here are the five candidates, and my chances of their winning:

Saul Anuzis, Michigan GOP Chairman

Chances: 5%

The Michigan GOP pretty much blows ass. He’s got all of his Facebook and Twitter junk at the bottom of his webpage. His logo uses the font from Star Trek: The Next Generation, probably because it’ll make people think he’s the chairman of the 24th century. So why isn’t he the frontrunner? Did I mention the Star Trek: TNG font?

Ken Blackwell, Nut

Chances: 35%

He’s insanely conservative, he’s black, he’s got a porn mustache, and for some reason, he’s demanding a Republican Steve Jobs to invent some sort of Republican MacBook. It will run on pure crude oil and institute a monthly subscription fee with onerous termination contract in order to be used. I swear to God, reading these candidates’ take on technology reads like people who just got Windows 3.1 computers for the first time and are talking about how they’ll never again use pen or paper. Then they signed for delivery of the computers and cursed this backwards world.

Katon Dawson, South Carolina GOP Chairman

Chances: 2%

This guy has one embedded video on his webpage (not even a YouTube video) and the same half-assed box-o-internet-crap at the bottom of his page. Terrible.

Mike Duncan, Failure

Chances: 26%

On the one hand, he’s got all the box-o-internet-crap stuff up top, an embedded photostream, some other text messaging thing, a scrolling list of endorsees and a Flash tool that lets you see his support state-by-state.

On the other hand, he’s been a miserable failure in this job, and I’m pretty sure the majority of Republicans had no idea who he was.

Michael Steele, The Black Guy Who Lost In 2006 Who Didn’t Play Football And Wasn’t Ken Blackwell

Chances: 32%

Sure, you can only find a Facebook link at the top of his page, and nothing else. Sure, he’s got a blog that has been updated once this year. But he’s got the black thing, Blackwell’s mustache, and, uh…I had 32% left over?

What’s striking is that there appear to be only two issues in the leadership of the Republican Party: Twitter accounts and Ronald Reagan. If I was in charge of the GOP, I might just try to go a couple of years without a chair and see if it works out. I’m sure that Facebook will do the work of a hundred Mike Duncans.

Jesse Taylor
Jesse Taylor
Jesse Taylor is an attorney and blogger from the great state of Ohio. He founded Pandagon in July, 2002, and has also served on the campaign and in the administration of former Ohio Governor Ted Strickland. He focuses on politics, race, law and pop culture, as well as the odd personal digression when the mood strikes.
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