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A Conversation With Myself

By Jesse Taylor
Monday, February 16, 2009 3:54 EDT
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“Self,” I said to myself, “what’s something you haven’t done recently?”

I’m prone to ask myself such wonderfully complex ponderables on occasion, if for no other reason than to keep myself on my intellectual toes. After many pregnant seconds of thought, I replied, “Self, I have not been accused of supporting the mass rape of 300 million people because of an item some guy saw on Amazon.”

Myself sat back, impressed. “I give you less credit than you deserve. Well done, self.”

Kevin McCullough has decided that the stimulus package is raping America on behalf of liberals everywhere.

This last week through informal surveys on my blog and social networking pages I asked the public what the United States government had done to its citizens in ramming the partisan stimulus package through votes and preparing for it the President’s desk. I had not thought of it previously but I ended up needing to go back to some of my facebook friends and blog readers to further ask them not to use the profane expressions they were in public venues because of my sometimes youthful readership.

Takeaways:

1.) Kevin McCullough knows how to use Twitter, because it’s the proving ground for being 21st Century Awesome.

2.) Young people read Kevin McCullough, because he knows how to keep with it, and he writes straight hyphee.

See an interesting theme developed.

Many of them compared the act that the partisan half of Congress performed something akin to sexual assault on ‘We The People.’

Perhaps for good reason. Let me see if I can explain.

I, for one, am amazed that he managed to find someone on the internet to compare something they don’t like to rape. Next thing you know, they’ll be comparing such things to homosexuals, or to black people. Such developments, however, are so unlikely they hardly bear further discussion.

The best (by which I mean worst) part about the total overextension of rape to describe anything bad that’s ever happened is that it causes anyone who does it to eventually say incredibly stupid and terrible things which both demean victims of rape and showcase their own insane predilection with anything even remotely gay happening to or near them.

Liberals are long known for light sentences for child molestors, opposition to child rape and child porn laws, and the speedy expediting of “freedom of speech” protections to pornographers, pedophiles, and male homosexuals who belong to the group NAMBLA. Slightly less well known but easily documented are the sympathies the left has towards lowering the age of consent laws so that it’s not really a crime for adults and children to have sex. This past week the Obama administration pushed the nomination of David Ogden to the Justice Department. Ogden is well known for his desire not to prosecute those who fall into most of these categories.

You know, Townhall columnists are frequently known for their support of genocide, their plagiarism, their terrible analysis, their gross psychological insecurities and their hostile paramilitary invasions of West African countries. Kevin McCullough is well known for his propensity to fall in many of these categories. (Ogden was a free speech lawyer for Playboy, and has fought other restrictions on free speech circling around obscenity and internet filters, which basically means he has pictures of your nephew in his wallet.)

But why should we expect anything less? President Obama is merely following in the steps of former President Clinton who made porn in the White House so common it was kind of scoffed at as an afterthought to his administration.

I remember when Clinton required everyone in the Oval Office to wear a suit jacket made of condom wrappers and random pages of Perfect 10. It’s how we got welfare reform.

This week Amazon.com after many complaints finally decided to ban a virtual reality game called “Rapelay.” Defenders of the game say it’s not real rape because it only occurs between computer animations. There are no genuine side effects. And it won’t impact reality.

Sort of like what liberals sound like when it comes to our money. The money we work increasingly harder to earn. And with one uber-partisan vote they take away. Taken faster than the speed of light or at least in shorter than being allowed to read the legislation that does so.

A hint to people who want young audiences for their random shit on the Internet: this guy is a master. He referenced a website, a videogame, and then tied it expertly back into current events by pretending the story he read off of World Net Daily had any relevance whatsoever.

In the game Rapelay, reviewers have stated that the player must first sexually assault a mother character and her two daughters before being allowed to then “pick” their next series of victims.

In the Congress of Washington DC liberals have seen to it that our mothers and daughters will have less money in the home budget working for their protection and welfare.

“Less money in the home budget working for their protection and welfare.”

“Less money in the home budget working for their protection and welfare.”

Repeating that statement still doesn’t add in the words that make it in any way make sense. A bill designed to keep the economy going is somehow leaving our women at the mercy of pixelated virtual penises. Budget penises. This is the major problem with the overextension of rape analogies to the broader category of People Doing Things I Don’t Like – eventually you’re left making a series of bizarre references that expose your obsessions with dicks going into various orifices and usually (and most vividly) your orifices.

In the game Rapelay the reviews indicate that the rapist can even convince one of the animated computer characters that they like what’s happening to them.

In Washington DC liberals in Congress sent their lapdog “Mr. President” out to the masses to do the same thing.

In the game, players take what is not theirs and laugh about the outcome.

In Washington DC, liberals take what is not theirs and laugh at the stupid people that gave it to them.

In the game, you are asked to press the Start Button. My washer asks me to press the Start Button. Draw your own ridiculous conclusions.

This week the Congressional Budget Office fell into conflict with the 2008 Financial Report of the United States Government. The CBO had previously reported our deficit to be in the neighborhood of 450 billion dollars, but the 2008 Report puts the actual number at 5.1 trillion.

5.1 trillion is the national debt, which is long-term and cumulative. 450 billion dollars is the deficit, which is run within the course of a single fiscal year. If you’re surprised that he got this wrong, may I recommend to you a little game I call “Will This Banana Get Brown?”, to be played over the next two weeks of your life.

Worse yet when the financial obligations promised under all current spending are factored in for Social Security, bailouts, stimulus package, interest, and the like the United States runs a deficit of $65,000,000,000,000. (Sixty five trillion dollars.) That’s a deficit of over $214 million per person (man, woman, baby) in the United States population.

It is also more than the Gross Domestic Product not of merely the United States, but of the entire planet.

This statistic comes from Jerome Corsi, which in turn comes from a December 15th update on Shadow Stats, which is like Five Thirty Eight if you don’t like websites that are famous for their accuracy or clarity. I’m also sad that children, adolescents, the elderly and fetuses are no longer people. Soulless bastards, the lot of them.

In other words when Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, and President Obama got done “financially raping” you this week they left you with a tab to be paid that is a higher price tag than the globe’s resources could combine to pay off.

…No, really. He just said that. But he’s got a good reason – after all, young readers demand the edgiest commentary. As such, I’m going to be changing my name to Charles Taylor and wearing a Liberian military uniform at this year’s Netroots Nation. And “disappearing” a few Daily Kos front pagers. Sorry guys, gotta keep the eyeballs.

Political leaders with no morals see little difference between nominating administration members who will not prosecute those harmful persons that create elements that lead to sexual assault on innocent girls, nor the physical equivalent of doing the same thing to your pocketbook, future earnings, and any ability to dream of self sufficiency.

Seems like the one who sees no moral difference between these things is Kevin.

They merely take what they want, throw you in the gutter when they are through, and laugh while you and I are left to pay the bill.

I’ve tried to be as tasteful as possible in explaining this comparison, and due to the passion of the natural man that was not an easy thing to do!

You know, there’s a reason that A Natural Woman was a multiplatinum hit and A Natural Man never quite made it that far. Granted, part of it was the fact that it was off-key and recorded in McCullough’s garage, but another, bigger part of it was the fact that it was an eleven-minute long ballad complaining that the Jews didn’t have it as bad in Auschwitz as he had it taking out the trash.

Jesse Taylor
Jesse Taylor
Jesse Taylor is an attorney and blogger from the great state of Ohio. He founded Pandagon in July, 2002, and has also served on the campaign and in the administration of former Ohio Governor Ted Strickland. He focuses on politics, race, law and pop culture, as well as the odd personal digression when the mood strikes.
 
 
 
 
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