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At Least He Has A Gamerscore

By Jesse Taylor
Tuesday, April 7, 2009 11:14 EDT
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imagePaul Ryan, dick, has decided to explain why it’s hard being a girl gamer. More accurately, he’s decided to explain why his terrible, awful fear of vagina can no longer be denied.

His piece is structure in such a way so as to explain the issue, and then talk about what a woman “might” say. An example:

Game Controllers

Why women hate this: Another thing is the female body. I’ve been told it’s a mystical, magical temple containing secrets and mysteries that no man truly understands, but the jury is still out on that – I did beat Cooking Mama. Nonetheless, women deserve a controller designed specifically for them and their special temple bodies.

Above: Yeah, but they also need non-portable console controllers

If you’re a typical guy, there’s a good chance you’re so insensitive that you didn’t know this problem existed until now. Unfortunately, that’s because you live in a world where all controllers fit perfectly into your rough-hewn man-hands and the bumper buttons are easily accessible without standing up or reaching behind your back.

Above: Sadly, two-out-of-three women can’t reach the Y-button

What a typical woman would say: You ever tried to play Wii with boobs on? I didn’t think so. I hate men.

Ha! You see? YOU SEE HOW WOMEN ARE???

The idiocy continues unabated for three pages, destroying any guise that this is somehow a commentary on the rampant sexism in gaming; it just is the rampant sexism in gaming. My personal feeling about this is that it runs along the same lines as the Resident Evil 5 reactions from many astute minds: the very mention of sexism is sexist itself, and so it must be mocked because the bitches in question are just whiny whores.

The main problem with sex, gender and videogames is that, much like Ryan does, women are treated as if they’re some bizarre species demanding illogical concessions to some non-Y chromosomed fantasy world. A woman in a chat room or in a game is a target for every horny come-on line in existence, because the gender dynamic of games is so maladjusted that it’s like walking into the locker room of a JV football team with Penthouses duct taped to your body. Women (and minorities) are dumb and ripe targets for abuse because they dared intrude on this place of comfort and flaunt their differences by having them.

To be fair, though, it’s good that he’s raised his hand-eye coordination to such a high level. One hopes he can reach his lifelong goal of stroking it to the exact rhythm of Ass Blastin’ Beauties 6.

Jesse Taylor
Jesse Taylor
Jesse Taylor is an attorney and blogger from the great state of Ohio. He founded Pandagon in July, 2002, and has also served on the campaign and in the administration of former Ohio Governor Ted Strickland. He focuses on politics, race, law and pop culture, as well as the odd personal digression when the mood strikes.
 
 
 
 
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