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Your Day In Mustaches

By Jesse Taylor
Thursday, September 10, 2009 21:21 EDT
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imageLibertarian Mustache is, against all odds, moving to Fox News. He’s also looking for ideas for the setup of his new show:

I’m grateful to ABC News for allowing me to do stories that challenged conventional wisdom, and occasionally enraged many of its viewers. But it’s said that everyone should change jobs every 7 years. I’ve been at ABC for 28 years …

In my new job, I want to dig into the meaning of the words “liberty” and “limited government”. ABC enabled me to do some of that, but Fox offers me more airtime and a new challenge.

I’m still considering what I will do with my own show, one hour each week. Economics certainly. Exercises in understanding libertarianism. My “take” on the issues of the day. Kind of like this blog. In fact, maybe we’ll call it, Stossel’s Take?

I ask you for your ideas. A studio audience? Should I wander around Congress?

I’m thinking a show where John Stossel wanders around, telling people what he believes. An amused economist then explains the actual impact of everything John Stossel believes. John Stossel then gets banned from restaurants, movie theaters and daycares based on the demonstrably crazy shit he spreads. Repeat around the country. We could call it Stosseled!

imageNext up, Crazy Fucking Mustache is offering to pay for people’s guns and gun training, so long as they, uh, exist:

I’m Dr. Ignatius Piazza, Founder and Director of Front Sight Firearms Training Institute. You are on a secure page.

My hundreds of thousands of students call me the “Millionaire Patriot” because for the last 12 years I have continually provided millions of dollars in amazing benefits to encourage every law abiding citizen in America to secure the Comfort of Skill at Arms for the protection of themselves, their families, and their communities.

You see, I believe that we can positively change the image of gun ownership in our lifetimes and protect our great country from all enemies– foreign and domestic– by training our law abiding citizens to levels that far exceed law enforcement and military standards and we can do it without any boot camp mentality or drill instructor attitudes.

I believe this so much that I created Front Sight Firearms Training Institute for this sole purpose. I want YOU armed and trained, and I’ll back up my words with my wallet.

In other words, a rich private citizen is paying to train a private army to his specifications to fight off his perceived enemies. This, however, is not scary, because he’s taken the time to grow out such well-maintained facial hair. It’s a proven fact.

You would think that a dude who’s building a paramilitary force using millions of dollars of his own money and is associated with a cult would, perhaps, be more threatening than a handsome black man who signed a petition. You would be fucking wrong, because people don’t kill people – bald black men in bureaucracies kill people.

Jesse Taylor
Jesse Taylor
Jesse Taylor is an attorney and blogger from the great state of Ohio. He founded Pandagon in July, 2002, and has also served on the campaign and in the administration of former Ohio Governor Ted Strickland. He focuses on politics, race, law and pop culture, as well as the odd personal digression when the mood strikes.
 
 
 
 
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