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Once Again, Music Kills Women And Eats Babies

By Jesse Taylor
Monday, September 28, 2009 0:53 EDT
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imageThankfully, after nearly days of professional investigation of the murder of a U.S. Census worker in Kentucky, a conservative blogger has collected all the gold and Cracker Barrel gift certificates his readership can offer, and is headed down there to Get To The Bottom Of This Mess, like Encyclopedia Brown would. And he has a hunch:

BTW, some people have a crazy hunch this Kentucky thing might involve teenagers and the horrorcore rap scene. Maybe they’re wrong about that, too . . .

You see, horrorcore rapper Syko Sam is suspected in the murder of four Virginians.

That’s the connection.

Seriously.

Murder A was committed in Virginia, and Murder B was committed 322 miles away at a different time in a different place in a different way. But, since we know and have known since the 1950s that all strange new forms of music are responsible for all crimes which happen in places where simple folk live, Tech N9ne is now Public Enemy Number One. Barring that, Robert Stacy McCain can just go track down Steve Sax.

UPDATE: Alternately, R.S. McCain could track down Dan Riehl’s theory that the murdered worker was a child predator, which is based on two ironclad pieces of evidence:

1.) What if he was?

2.) Wouldn’t it be irresponsible not to theorize?

Certainly, we believe things of greater import based on less evidence, such as gravity.

Jesse Taylor
Jesse Taylor
Jesse Taylor is an attorney and blogger from the great state of Ohio. He founded Pandagon in July, 2002, and has also served on the campaign and in the administration of former Ohio Governor Ted Strickland. He focuses on politics, race, law and pop culture, as well as the odd personal digression when the mood strikes.
 
 
 
 
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