Michele Bachmann: Something Something Fucking Crazy

By Jesse Taylor
Thursday, October 1, 2009 21:45 EDT
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Our Lady Of The Politbama has again said something fucking crazy:

[T]he bill orders that these clinics protect patient privacy and student records. What does that mean? It means that parents will never know what kind of counsel and treatment that their children are receiving. And as a matter of fact, the bill goes on to say what’s going to go on — comprehensive primary health services, physicals, treatment of minor acute medical conditions, referrals to follow-up for specialty care — is that abortion? Does that mean that someone’s 13-year-old daughter could walk into a sex clinic, have a pregnancy test done, be taken away to the local Planned Parenthood abortion clinic, have their abortion, be back and go home on the school bus that night? Mom and Dad are never the wiser.

First: damn those sex clinics with their pregnancy tests. I hate them. That’s right, I hate their stupid sexy sex clinic faces. Always offering up sex-related sexiness to 13-year-olds. Wait, are we talking about sex clinics or CVS? I hate both!

There’s an ironclad rule about uber-conservative firebrands talking about legislation. The rule is that they have no fucking clue what they’re talking about. Seriously, if the Constitution had been written in view of Glenn Beck, Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin, you’d be getting post messages about how this “Article III” is establishing a “supreme Court” which will determine if we can even have children or worship our very gods. And then Thomas Jefferson would sob into his rewritten Bible, wondering if he’d ever be able to have a political career after he got back from swishy France.

This is what the legislation actually says:

“The money could also be used to provide ‘mental health assessments, crisis interventions, counseling, treatment and referral to a continuum of services including emergency psychiatric care, community support programs, inpatient care and outpatient care.’ The clinics would have the option to provide ‘oral health, social and age-appropriate health education services including nutritional counseling.’

“Clinics getting federal dollars must act in accordance with federal, state and local law, according to the bills. For example, clinics in Louisiana are not even allowed to counsel students on abortion, according to the Louisiana Department of Health and Hospitals.”

To be fair, despite the fact that Michele Bachmann directly contradicts the plain meaning of the law as written, she did not litter on the floor of Congress, unlike Barney Frank, who left an entire stack of Out Magazine on his desk, with inserts all over the floor. And then, MacGyver style, Nancy Pelosi folded them into an abortion machine. Crafty devils, us Democrats.

Jesse Taylor
Jesse Taylor
Jesse Taylor is an attorney and blogger from the great state of Ohio. He founded Pandagon in July, 2002, and has also served on the campaign and in the administration of former Ohio Governor Ted Strickland. He focuses on politics, race, law and pop culture, as well as the odd personal digression when the mood strikes.
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