Okay, I realize that Elizabeth Hasselbeck is probably trying to be funny here, but still, I think this entire exchange between her and Barbara Walters is telling.
The mother of three said she does not want to have more kids on View co-host Barbara Walters’ SIRIUS Satellite Radio show, Here’s Barbara.
Hasselbeck joked she’s avoiding her husband, ESPN analyst Tim Hasselbeck, and changing her look to make sure she sticks to her plan.
“I just find him incredibly attractive,” Hasselbeck said. “So, it’s not like I’m that disciplined, so right now, my strategy is dressing in a way that will not get me pregnant … nothing too revealing.”
Now, I don’t usually think of myself as a literal person, far from it. Most of the time, I tend to think jokes like calling Birkenstocks “birth control” are, if cliched, at least understandable. Abstinence is a form of birth control. But this is taking it a step too much in the direction of being literal, causing you to sincerely wonder if Hasselbeck hasn’t considered the possibility of contraception. It’s not slutty if it’s your husband, Elizabeth!
I’ve often joked that it seems that the anti-choice mentality is such that you get the impression that they think that people should only have sex until they’re done having children, and then consider themselves dried up and quit. Now I’m not so sure I was missing the mark. Thinking your husband is hot and wanting to fuck him doesn’t strike me as a weakness, not even enough of one that cracking jokes about it makes a whole lot of sense. Humor thrives on incongruity—something isn’t how it should be, something doesn’t fit, etc. Even though they’re cliched, jokes about having a sexless marriage fit the bill more, because marriage is supposed to be sexual. But this seems to rely on the assumption that it’s somehow bad to want to keep fucking your husband even after three kids. I’m forced to conclude that not only is Hasselbeck too stupid to know how to operate a condom, she is also one of those conceited people that thinks they invented sex. I always got that impression from her and the way she managed to maintain a smug expression throughout every pregnancy, but I thought she was being smug because she was pregnant. Now I see it’s because she thinks she got one up on the rest of us because she likes sex or something. Weird.