Jesus Was Born In A Desert

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The War on Christmas goes right up to the 11th hour. Build-A-Bear has a series of videos on their website which mention global warming, and, well, they’re building “eco-fascist Manchurian candidates”, although I’m not sure what the normal Build-A-Bear audience is going to be running for. Third grade class president? Are they going to exercise a carbon tax on the field trip bake sale money?

Children shouldn’t be exposed to things like Christmas being imperiled. It’s just…un-Christmaslike, you know? Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer was a Soviet plot to get our children to engage in pagan animal worship, people.

I, for one, will never again take my nonexistent children to the marketing website of this teddy bear assembly store. Before, I knew I could rely on it for straightforward, unbiased information about how a Build-A-Bear Teddy Bear would be my child’s best friend forever. Now? That sacred bond has been irrevocably violated. For shame.