A$$hole America

By Amanda Marcotte
Thursday, May 13, 2010 23:37 EDT
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The war between Roger Ebert and teabagger racist twits has been another interesting lesson for the world, re: the fact that many, many people are “conservative” because they’re assholes and the ideology is a perfect fit for them. But what’s interesting to me is the event that touched it all off was another example of people being assholes just because they love being assholes—a bunch of kids got in trouble for wearing American flags on Cinco de Mayo, which was basically a fuck-you to Hispanic students on a day set aside, like St. Patrick’s Day, to celebrate a group’s unique cultural spot within a larger country that was built, remember, by immigrants.

In other words, these kids used the American flag as a symbol of racism and hate, and the teabaggers celebrated them for it, indicating to me that these “patriots” believe that the flag stands for hatred and racism. It’s like they’re trying to say the only Real Americans are assholes.

Perhaps they should stop singing “Proud to Be an American” and get even more literal with their patriotic songs.

C’mon wingnuts, just say that in order to be a Real American, you need to be a lily white, sexually deprived asshole who takes their shit out on everyone else. It would save you a lot of time. Why? Because the current system of trying to define Real Americans by what they’re not is really time-consuming. Now the entire city of L.A. has been kicked out.

When asked her opinion of the LA boycott of Arizona on Ed Shultz’s show today, Karen Hanratty thinks LA is a foreign country.

(Big eye roll)I think the Los Angeles City Council is the last governmental body I would ever take advice from. (Ed laughs uproariously.) By the way, go to any hospital in los Angeles and see what their emergency room looks like, how many illegal immigrants are in those waiting rooms. Something needs to be done in this country and Los Angeles is probably not the best indication of how we should fix our budget, manage our local municipalities. You know LA is a land unto itself.

Really? L.A.? New York was in as a city of not-Real Americans, sure. The subway alone would take us out of the running, but the fact that a lot of people dress with style and try to figure out where they’re going to eat based on Nation of Cuisine’s Origin would certainly secure that. San Francisco is a beautiful city, but the undeniable home to earnest and slightly smug leftism, so of course it’s out. Chicago is where the hated President is from, so they’re out. But L.A.? The land of cars and money? Surely there are enough Asshole-Americans in L.A. to keep the entire city from being written off. What next? Houston? (Don’t tell Fox that they vote for the Democrats in Houston.) Cleveland?

This is all headache-inducing. I’m sure the Asshole-Americans of L.A. will want exceptions for themselves, and let’s face it, the conservobot pundits that slam the “liberal elite” cities while insisting on living here to get close to the food and fashion will grant the exceptions. This is getting very complicated, and we could all save each other a lot of time by defining Real Americans by what they are, not what they aren’t: mega-watt assholes. You’re welcome, teabaggers. Now that you have a firmer definition of who you are, maybe that’ll free you up to start thinking about what you want, besides hating on everyone else who’s even slightly different than you.

Amanda Marcotte
Amanda Marcotte
Amanda Marcotte is a freelance journalist born and bred in Texas, but now living in the writer reserve of Brooklyn. She focuses on feminism, national politics, and pop culture, with the order shifting depending on her mood and the state of the nation.
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