And Lo, From The East…A Nut

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This man, Rick Barber, is running for Congress, which is terribly funny, as he does not appear to believe Congress exists:

Besides the part where George Washington is sitting there stroking a gun as this nutjob is ranting, my two favorite parts:

1.) Businesses spy on themselves! That shit is crazy! I cannot believe that a tyrannical government with no more authority than the Constitution of the United States can literally make you tell them who you’ve hired and fired for the purposes of taxation! And employment protections! And anti-discrimination laws! And tax breaks for employers! In a system where this all-powerful bureaucracy can reach into the very bowels of your life and pull out the sweet intestinal goo of employment associations, the next thing they will do is…surely very, very bad. And tyrannical.

2.) You went to war over tea, bitches! This is, in many ways, the foundational stupidity of modern psuedo-revolutionary conservatism. If you ever wonder why every alleged excess of the government is grounds for impeachment or war or God’s Holy Moon Beam Vengeance, it’s this. To say that the colonists during the Revolutionary War committed a nation to war over taxes on tea is like saying that the reason Wizard of Oz is a classic movie is because it has a scarecrow in it. The American Revolution was the culmination of decades of strife between the American Colonies and Britain, with the latter frequently imposing broad and sweeping regulations on colonists who were explicitly barred from having any say in the British government.

Ways in which Rick Barber’s situation differs:

• All of them.

If you think that America was founded because people were just pissed about paying more for their sweetened hot leaf water, you shouldn’t be running for fucking office, because you’re a risk to go postal every time you lose a close vote. If you’re so dumb that you’re motivated to change your nation by virtue of a narrative constructed for four year olds who can’t pay attention because it’s the middle of July and they really want into that box of sparklers, you should really take any money you raise in your political campaign and donate it to charity. Of course, the government would like you to report that as well, so maybe you’re better just using it to buy plastic Army men and reliving the fateful battle of John Adams versus the Martians on your dining table.